Please assess my essay. Thank you

[Dzzz]

The ownership of cars should be restricted to one per family in order to reduce traffic congestion and pollution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, big cities across the world experience many environmental problems, such as air pollution caused by heavy traffic. Traffic congestion adds to this problem as CO2 level rises during peak hours. Some people believe that the ownership of cars should be restricted to one per family in order to reduce traffic congestion and pollution. I agree that for families living in big cities, having more than one car is an excess.

Firstly, restricting families from having more than one car will force more people to use public transportation for their everyday trips. Public transport is for sure much more efficient for short journeys inside the city. For those living in a countryside, transit car parks on the city borders may be built. This in turn lowers the total number of cars entering the city every day and bring positive effect to its ecology .

Secondly, reducing air pollution in big cities as a conscience of this restriction, will have a positive effect on humans health in a long term. For example, in Beijing, air pollution is very high, many people die because of lung cancer every year. Once a year, Beijing habitats stops using cars for one day. This always have a tremendous effect on the air quality, so people can breath at full lungs this one day.

These examples shows that restricting the car ownership to one per family can have positive effects on cities ecology. Of course It will not solve the entire problem with air pollution, but reducing the number of cars at least by half is a step in right direction.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Basically, this is a very good essay. The ideas are good, but a little extra support would be even better. You can see that the main paragraphs are about the same length as the introduction.

There are two possibilities that I can see for doing this. First, explain why CO2 is bad. (And remember that plants love CO2, so be careful!) Second, remember that lung cancer is not only caused by pollution. China is well-known for its high proportion of male smokers.

Vocabulary and grammatical range and accuracy are very good. Coherence is very good, with sentences logically following from one another.

Well done!
David

[Dzzz]

Big thanks for your review David.

[Flick]

The ownership of cars should be restricted to one per family in order to reduce traffic congestion and pollution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, big cities across the world experience many environmental problems, such as air pollution caused by heavy traffic. Traffic congestion adds to this problem as CO2 levels rise during peak hours. Some people believe that the ownership of cars should be restricted to one per family in order to reduce traffic congestion and pollution. I agree that for families living in big cities, having more than one car is an excess.

Firstly, restricting families from having more than one car will force more people to use public transportation for their everyday trips. Public transport is much more efficient for short journeys within the city. For those living in the countryside, transit car parks on the city borders may be built. This, in turn, lowers the total number of cars entering the city every day and has a positive impact on its ecology.

Secondly, reducing air pollution in big cities as a result of this restriction will have a positive effect on human health in the long term. For example, in Beijing, air pollution is very high and many people die of lung cancer every year. Once a year, Beijing inhabitants stop using cars for one day. This always have a tremendous effect on the air quality, so people can breathe at full capacity this one day.

These examples show that restricting car ownership to one per family can have positive effects on a city's ecology. Of course, it will not solve the entire problem with air pollution, but reducing the number of cars at least by half is a step in right direction.