Please review writing task 2 - Health care decision by parents

[ieltslearner]

Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of medical care their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility
Discuss both views and give your opinion

Thoughts are divided if parents should be responsible for the type of health care that is to be provided for their children, or if it is solely the government’s duty. In my opinion, although parents have some responsibility in this regard, state run institutions should make the necessary decisions.

Biological parents have a natural duty to decide on the medical care needs such as immunization from serious diseases for their children. One possible benefit that can be derived is that parents can keep close records of their own children’s health. Nevertheless, this is not always the case. A busy working schedule in developed countries might cause parents to neglect the stipulated vaccination timelines. Furthermore, in poverty stricken localities, parents might not have the financial resources to cater for these preventive medications.

On the other hand however, governmental bodies can control the medication much better. Firstly, records of children’s medical details are better stored in state owned database servers. For instance, in Pakistan, door to door polio immunization is carried out by social workers and health care providers for children based on these records. Additionally, the state can alleviate financial burdens on parents by providing the necessary funds for underprivileged families. To illustrate, the local governing body in the city of Mumbai has special funds allocated for vaccination from the hepatitis virus for impoverished households. This has resulted in almost half a million children protected from this deadly virus in the past decade alone.

In conclusion, although parents have a moral responsibility to decide on health care needs for their progeny, this aspect is better controlled by the state. Keeping tabs on children in need of immunization and providing public funding for this cause are two main reasons to hand over the rights to the government.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, quite good, but you may have misunderstood the question, at least to some extent. The statement says 'decide', but you focus on what happens if parents are busy or forgetful.

Suspiciously good grammar.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of medical care their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility
Discuss both views and give your opinion

Opinions are divided as to whether parents should be responsible for the type of health care that is to be provided for their children, or if it is solely the government’s duty. In my opinion, although parents have some responsibility in this regard, state-run institutions should make the necessary decisions.

Biological parents have a natural duty to decide on the medical needs, such as immunization from serious diseases, for their children. One possible benefit that can be derived is that parents can keep close records of their own child’s health. Nevertheless, this is not always the case. A busy working schedule in developed countries might cause parents to neglect the stipulated vaccination timelines. Furthermore, in poverty stricken localities, parents might not have the financial resources to afford these preventive medications.

On the other hand however, governmental bodies can control the medication much better. Firstly, records of children’s medical details are better stored in state owned database servers. For instance, in Pakistan, door to door polio immunization is carried out by social workers and health care providers for children based on these records. Additionally, the state can alleviate financial burdens on parents by providing the necessary funds for underprivileged families. To illustrate, the local governing body in the city of Mumbai has special funds allocated for vaccination from the hepatitis virus for impoverished households. This has resulted in almost half a million children protected from this deadly virus in the past decade alone.

In conclusion, although parents have a moral responsibility to decide on health care needs for their progeny, this aspect is better controlled by the state. Keeping tabs on children in need of immunization and providing public funding for this cause are two main reasons to hand over the rights to the government.