David Please assess my wrting need 7+

[Qasim]

Dear concern,

Art museums should support themselves mainly by charging admission and by receiving donations from private individuals who are interested in art. That is, museums should receive most of their support from the people who are interested in using them, and not from public fund.
To what extent you are agree or disagree with the statement
Give reasons to your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience and knowledge.

Answer
Art galleries are the main depiction of society’s culture, because these types of institutions require people to come and see the creativity in real. These types of institutions require huge funds to manage and entering tickets, donation and financial support is necessary to overcome this issue. Government can also support in this regard. I will discuss this in detail.
In my opinion, I believe the individuals who are in this profession are earning lot of dosh by selling their paintings, and they should take responsibility to some extent to take care of museums. Non-government organizations can also play a vital role in raising the funds for this purpose, because it is the representation of culture. Art paintings normally attract foreign population, which is eventually very beneficial for the country. Secondly art lovers who are interested in such events should also finance such organizations to flourish.
However, from the above aspects, government should also have sense of responsibility to support such art centers. Its government responsibility to fund such organizations and there should be a department which is looking after the museums. Government institutions can also arrange seminars and invite foreign delegations to visit and witness art of their country. This can also be way to fund collection for art museums. Furthermore, I believe government should award brilliant people for their artifacts.
In conclusion, I agree with the statement that responsibility is more on art lovers and individuals who are earning lot of money by selling their artifacts. Although government can impose check and balance on such institutions to check that they are working up to the standards.

[Qasim]

Dear David,

Please also guide me in which section i need improvement, TA, C and C, Vocab or Grammar.
i will be very grateful of you.
Thanks in advance
Qasim Fateh

[Qasim]

please assess
thanks
Qasim

[Qasim]

thanks