Please kindly assess my writing task 1 - I am targeting for Band 8.THANKS

[jayani]

The line graph illustrates no of grams of fish and other three types of meat (chicken/beef and lamb) consumed by per person per week in a European country during the time period of 1979 to 2004.

Overall, lamb was thrice as popular as fish by 2004 and the preference is almost similar for both at 50 grams.Beef was the most famous meat in 1979 ,but it was replaced by chicken in 2004.All 3 types of meat shows a fluctuating trend in consumption during the 25 year period.However people have improved their interest for chicken significantly while reducing the preference for lamb and beef over the two decades.

In terms of Chicken the usage has grown rapidly from 150g to 250g per person per week .However as opposed to chicken ,lamb consumption declined gradually from 150g to 70 g by year 2004.

With regards to beef there was a fluctuation in consumption from 1979 the preference has fluctuated and peaked to 240g by 1984 and then declined gradually to 110g by 2004.However there is a consistent usage of fish which remained at 50-60 gram level during the period.

(192 words)

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

A bit of a mess, I'm afraid.

1. If lamb is thrice as popular as fish, it is unlikely that they are going to be both at 50g.
2. The chart shows what was eaten, not what is famous.
3. Whilst the figures do fluctuate year-by-year, the overall trends do not.

The sentences are not presented in a clear order and paragraphing is incorrect.

Overall, a very unclear report with key mistakes regarding the data, weak, inaccurate vocab and poor organisation.

All the best,
David

[jayani]

Dear David,

THANKS ALOT for your feedback valuable comments.
Il try my best to correct my mistakes and post a new Writing answer .

jayani