Please kindly assess my writing. Thank you

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Xianz
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Dec 26, 2015 8:23 am

Please kindly assess my writing. Thank you

Post by Xianz »

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.
W-T1.png
W-T1.png (47.77 KiB) Viewed 670 times


The graph and table display the amount of water that was used worldwide by three different sectors, which are agriculture, industrial use and domestic use, from 1900 to 2000 and also the level of water consumption in Brazil and Democratic Republic of Congo in 2000. Overall the amount of water usage increased in the three sectors by the end of the century in 2000.

In 1900, the sector that used water the most was agriculture (500 km3) the level of the water used increased sharply from 500 km3 to nearly 3000 km3 between 1900 and 2000. By 2000, agriculture was still the sector that used the most water globally.

The amount of water that was used in industry and domestic use in 1900 was quite similar, which is about 100 km3. Between 1900 and 1950, there was a stable period in the use of water. However, by the end of the period (2000) the level of water use by industry use had increased. It increased by 900 km3, whereas, domestic use increased steadily to 300 km3.

In 2000, the population in Brazil was higher than Congo, which was 176 million in Brazil and 5.2 million in Congo. In addition, in Brazil the water consumption per person was 359 m3, whereas, in Democratic Republic of Congo, each person consumed 8 m3.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Please kindly assess my writing. Thank you

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!
Again, good but this time I think that you have missed the point that the rate of increase in water use changed over the period.
All the best,
David
Evgenii Rodin
Posts: 24
Joined: Thu Dec 24, 2015 6:54 am

Re: Please kindly assess my writing. Thank you

Post by Evgenii Rodin »

Some commas are missing. Unnecessary repetitions should be avoided.
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