Writing Task 1 (Academic IELTS)

[Evgenii Rodin]

Can you assess my writing, please?

The task:
The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The pictures are here (sorry for some inconvenience): http://www.writingacademia.com/ielts-wr ... -and-1995/

My answer:
The bar chart and the line graph illustrate the growing figures of Japanese travellers abroad and particularly in Australia in 1985-1995.

Overall, the amount of Japanese going out of the country reached its highest by 1995. Furthermore, the share of visitors from Japan coming to Australia showed a threefold jump.

Looking in more detail, the number of Japanese tourists overseas was ever- increasing. Starting from 5 million in 1985, it amounted 11 million by 1990, up 6 million compared with the mid-80's level, as the chart shows. Then, there was a slight fall in 1991 before the peak of more than 15 million in 1995, a 10-million upsurge within the given decade.

Similarly, it can be seen from the graph that the share of Japanese tourists coming to Australia was constantly expanding. In 1985, only 2% of Japanese people visited Australia, while the percentage point doubled in 1987. After a 0.5% drop in 1990, the proportion of Japanese travellers in Australia reached a 6% mark by 1995. (167 words).

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Basically, very good. The figures for Japanese tourists is not 'ever-increasing' because it falls from 1990 to 1991, as you noted later.

Well done!
David

[Evgenii Rodin]

Thank you! Let it be "mainly increasing" instead of "ever-increasing". Last time I had 8.0 for Writing, while now I am striving for 8.5 or 9.0.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

In that case, the main thing is to ensure your grammar is extremely good - even better than now!
Best of luck!
David

[Evgenii Rodin]

Thank you! I will do my best.