Please kindly value my task2-healthcare VS others

[jennylfm]

some people say governments should give priority to healthcare, while other believe that taxpayers money should be spent on other important priorities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.


Some argue that the government should allocate money and prioritise to offer healthcare to the general public, but others hold different opinions. This essay will look at both sides of view before drawing a logical conclusion.

It is believed that by some that the government should prioritise healthcare. One idea that supports this is that healthcare is the basic need of people, it plays an essential role to maintain and improve the overall fitness of people via diagnosis and treatment and so on, which are delivered by professional doctors. These diagnosis and treatment benefit to keep people’s healthy in long run. Thus, this idea is completely understandable.

On the other hand, some hold that the government should allocate the money from taxpayers to other vital priorities rather than healthcare. it is mainly because they think that in comparison with healthcare, others are more important. For example addressing the problem of crimes in the society. It is undeniable that crimes have very negative influences on people’s lives, which make people worry about their security. As a consequence of this, people are not able to live very comfortably and safely, instead of being afraid of your own safety. Therefore, it is argued by some that government should focus on other areas which affect the quality of people’s lives not healthcare. From this point of view, it is reasonable and acceptable to some extent.

In conclusion, some think that the government should give its focus on healthcare which is helpful for people to stay healthy, while others believe that the money received from taxpayers should be spent on other priorities which can improve the quality of people’s lives highly. From my point of view, I think that the government should give its priorities to healthcare, because it is really essential for the maintenance and improvement of people’s health, which is considered as the most important for people.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Jenny!

Good essay! The first main paragraph is much longer than the second, indicating that some more development might be a good idea.

Also, I think that you should be clearer about why you think spending on health is better than spending on law enforcement.

If you really wanted to go for a higher level essay, explain why spending by the GOVERNMENT is required for health and/or law enforcement.

All the best,
Davdi

[jennylfm]

Hello David,

Thanks for your feedbacks which drive me think hardly about writing.

Good idea, I will do that during my following practice. yes, I should write longer for my supported side and give more specific examples to support it. Actually I feel so confused about the concept of healthcare, I am not sure what is meaning, so you can find that my opinions are so weak. I tried to take it as medical care, but seems they are different. Perhaps more reading about this would help, i will do it.

Thanks for your time, David.

Thanks,
Jenny