Task2-discussion-children's development

[rairaichan0115]

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence.

Juveniles are the most significant treasure in our society. Their stages of development can be influenced by many factors. While some people would argue that their parents play a critical role in a child’s development, many others would contend that there are other factors which may affect on them. These points of view will be analyzed before arriving at a satisfactory outcome.

On the one hand, many people are of opinion that genitor would have a significant impact on their children. To illustrate, young people had been abused by their parents in their earlier life and they may imitate those unruly behavior and become an abuser in their later life. This makes it clear that father and mother are preforming a meaningful model to their children as well as their behavior can profoundly influence them. As this shows, it is understandable why many people gravitate toward this point of view.

On the other hand, many sustain the notion that juveniles are highly likely effect by others such as television or friends. For instance, there are some searches in America, the rate of young offenders has been increasing. As they would like to imitate the disruptive behavior which they learned from the violent movies. Consequently, the brutal films have the greatest negative impact on the children’s development. After analyzing this fact, it is certainly clear why many others support this claim.

In conclusion, there are strong arguments on both sides. However, after evaluating the varying opinions, it is felt that father and mother have the most vital role in a child’s development. As they are the one who have taken care of them since they are infants. They will learn and copy all the actions from you. Furthermore, I believe that it seems highly advisable for parents taking their mandatory obligations to look after them along with to be a splendid model to them.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!
The most noticeable thing is that you focus only on the negative side of things. You are also only discussing a minority of children - contrary to what some believe, most kids turn out fine!
Your arguments have little or no support. I looked up crime figures for the USA online and the stats show that juvenile crime is falling. There has actually never been a clear demonstration of the link between violence in films and youth violence - again, contrary to popular belief.
Anyway, you have certainly not compared the effect of parents with the effect of friends and TV - only stated/claimed that they both have an effect, so the conclusion is unsupported. In the conclusion, you say that children will always copy the parents. Therefore, by your own words, violent films have no effect.
Overall, an unsatisfactory essay - simply a collection of assertions about a minority of children.
All the best,
David