Writing Task2-Watching TV for children

[jennylfm]

some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. therefore, children should watch TV regularly both in school and at home? do you agree or disagree?

It is said that a lot of children can gain knowledge more effectively by TV. Thus, It has been suggested that children should spend regular time on TV in school as well as at home.In my opinion, watching TV indeed can benefit to the learning of students, however, it has also a variety of negative impacts on children.

It is undeniable that there are a number of creative and attractive contents on TV, which are presented by vivid style with audio and colourful images, these vivid content with interesting display style can stimulate children’s creativity and imagination, and is more beneficial for children to understand and absorb the knowledge. Therefore, in comparison with class-based learning style, this method indeed can promote children learn more quickly and efficiently to some extent.

Although the advantages of watching TV for children, however, it also creates a number of negative influences for children not just for this study but also their health. First of all, children are extremely vulnerable and immature as the adults do, therefore, they are considerably easily to be distracted and affected by the content displayed on the TV, so that they are not able to concentrate on their study, which would generate huge detrimental impacts on their academic study such as failing to complete the assignments and so on. Moreover, watching too much TV would affect their overall health, especially for their eyes, meanwhile, it is considered as one of main reasons for the sedentary lifestyle for children, which are very harmful to their health in long term. Furthermore, classroom-based learning is still regarded as the most efficient and effective approach for children to obtain knowledge, and plays dominant role during the learning of children. Thus, children should spend more time on classroom-based learning rather than watching TV.

In conclusion, although watching TV is beneficial for children to learn because of the vivid style, however, watching TV can bring about enormous negative influences on children, so in my opinion, parents and schools should restrict the time of watching TV for children seriously.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi again, Jenny!

Introduction - good

First main paragraph - good argument, but I think that you could have provided some examples

Second main paragraph - good, but you say that TV creates a sedentary lifestyle ... and then recommend classroom learning!

Conclusion - good, but you do not point out how parents can/should limit the amount of TV their children watch

Overall, good arguments, grammar and vocabulary, but some points need development/explanation if you want a high score.

All the best,
David

[jennylfm]

Hi David,

Thanks for your comments, they are really encouraging.Frankly, I know that my writing is still not good enough, however, with the help of you, I am making progress. I got your points, I will pay much attention to the examples/evidence for my writing during the following practices.

Here, I'd like to ask one question, for second main paragraph, I mentioned classroom-based learning, I am not sure whether it is irrelevant with the topic or not? I feel a little confused, and need your help to clarify for this.

Thanks for your time to review my writing and helpful comments!

Thanks,
Jenny

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Jenny,
I think that mentioning classroom teaching IS relevant, because you compare it to learning from TV. However, children could learn from TV in the classroom and, as I pointed out, both generally involve sitting.
It's great to see students like yourself really improving their writing so quickly in a short time period. If you think I have helped, I'm going to count that as a lovely Christmas present!
All the best,
David

[jennylfm]

Hi David,

Thanks for your clarification, I am more clear now. When i was writing that part, I felt very confused, Thanks for pointing them out, I should concentrate one one point.

I am so happy for your encouraging comments. Honestly, I am not sure whether i am on the right direction for my writing. Your positive comments drive me work hard for my writing. And I know that i am making them better, your comments do matter to me.

Thanks again for your effort and time to read my reading and give me comments.

Have a good and lovely holidays.


Thanks,
Jenny