would you please evaluate my essay with scoring (Thanks)

[raghadmamd]

By punishing murderer» with the death penalty, society it also guilty of committing
murder. Therefore, life in prison It a better punishment for murderer*.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your
own knowledge or experience. Vou should write at least 250 words.



Nowadays, crimes rates are accelerated compared to previous decades.Sentenced to a death penalty is being debated since ages.In this essay, I am going to analyze both points of view and their supporting ideas reaching to my opinion.
In one hand, it is thought that death penalty is a murder by itself, and we should not do same error while trying to solve problems. This idea being supported by discussing murders' family situation after his death. If he has young children, what will be their source of income, how the society will deal with them. By the time, they might feel isolated, suffering from community behavior. At that point, it is an ideal environment for terrorist development.Some people argued that there is no difference now between the murder and governor who applied this penalty. With a proposal of life in prison penalty as an alternative with double benefits can be gained. One for murder and his family and their social life. We still can see some examples of extreme change in their attitude. Society also will feel more peaceful.
In other hand, specific types of crimes cannot be treated without a death penalty.In this occasion, the penalty is a way of warning to others to commit the same. For instance, rape crimes should be dealt with very strictly, no excuse, no mercy. Another example child kidnapping, you can imagine how the whole family will be affected by such criminal actions. Also terroristic explosions are considered one of the highest country emergencies.If there is no firm actions taken, we can simply find daily crimes in our life.
In conclusion, both opinions have their merits, But I believe that each case is different than other. We should be flexible in applying laws. In certain cases we cannot avoid death penalty.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello,

introduction - Crimes rates vary considerably from country to country. You may need to be more specific. Otherwise, a reasonable intro.

First main paragraph - A little confusing. If a man goes to prison, this is also going to take away income from his family. Quite a lot of grammar mistakes.

Second main paragraph - 'cannot' in the first sentence - why not? Most child kidnappings are carried out by a family member, usually a parent. There is no proven relationship between the death penalty and lowering the overall level of violence in society.

Conclusion - ok

I think that the essay needs to be much clearer. Vocabulary is often not used precisely and this can lead to confusing arguments.

All the best,
David