These days due to advancement in computers and technology, the trend of working or studying from home is increasing. Do you think it will become common and people will stop going to schools and offices in the futures?
Nowadays, the breakthroughs in technology and its applications made Tele working from home is markedly increasing .so, this made some people forcast a further increase in these uses to the extent that made them argue that people might not go to schools nor offices . I don't believe that people will not go to their offices nor schools despite the current increase in home based working.
To begin with some people's predictions about Tele working and online education, we will find that they argue that people dependance on advanced technological applications is ,undoubtedly, increasing especially in the business and education fields. This trend has many consequences. For instance, people would benefit from the convenience these gadgets ,like computers and laptops , would provide them . Students, as an example, might not go to schools. And online education would take over. Home based Working and Tele working is another example of what they predict to occur In the field of business. That might lead to the absence of office work or company buildings. In general, those people that the two basic activities; going to school and commuting to work would vanish due to the predicted rise in technology. Nevertheless, the aforementioned predictions seems to me and other group of people to be unrealistic for many reasons.First , practical education should be carried under supervision and direct teaching. For example, nursing can not be tought online. It must be run under the supervision of higher nurses. Second, class teaching is usually tailored according to students needs . This usually happens after direct interaction between teachers and students. It must be run at its schools under the supervision of higher nurses. Finally, regarding to working from home using computers is likely to increase, but it will not stop going to offices . In fact, even software business occurs in big companies as it necessitates certain facilities and equipments .Thus , for me, I think that going to schools and office working will inevitably persist .
To sum up, it is undeniable that people dependance on technology in their basic activities is rising ,nowadays . However, I don't believe that technology might replace schools or offices.
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Plz assess my writing
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
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- Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am
Re: Plz assess my writing
Hello!
Introduction - "I don't believe that people will not go ..." That double-negative is a little messy!
Main paragraph - This needs to be divided into at least 2 paragraphs. 'Nevertheless' might make a good break.
Conclusion - Short and sweet!
Overall, I think that you make some good points and that the vocab is good too. The grammatical range is also good but it would be worth checking for mistakes, even basic ones.
All the best,
David
Introduction - "I don't believe that people will not go ..." That double-negative is a little messy!
Main paragraph - This needs to be divided into at least 2 paragraphs. 'Nevertheless' might make a good break.
Conclusion - Short and sweet!
Overall, I think that you make some good points and that the vocab is good too. The grammatical range is also good but it would be worth checking for mistakes, even basic ones.
All the best,
David
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Cliff.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
- Posts: 35
- Joined: Wed Nov 04, 2015 10:43 am
Re: Plz assess my writing
As I completed this response I see that David has already responded. I did go into considerably more detail, so I guess I'll go ahead and post anyway. All students are interested in what band they would get, but under the terms of my (and David's) agreement with IDP, as an active examiner, we am not permitted to give you a band score, but I can tell you the relevant band criteria that apply from the public band descriptors that are available on the IELTS website, IELTS.org.
In terms of task response, this is a fair attempt at answering the question, and you address all parts of the prompt. The format is appropriate, and your position is relevant. I think some of the main ideas are not sufficiently developed or extended. For example, you say that nursing must be taught by senior nurses, but you don't say why. You say also "For instance, people would benefit from the convenience these gadgets ,like computers and laptops , would provide them . Students, as an example, might not go to schools." These ideas do not seem connected to me, and will affect both TA and CC. The argument is weak, and the sentences are not fluently or logically linked.
So to summarise, some conclusions are unjustified, or unclear, and some ideas are not well developed.
In terms of CC while there is a sense of overall logical progression, your sentences are not always fluently linked.
Take this passage: " Students, as an example, might not go to schools. And online education would take over. Home based Working and Tele working is another example of what they predict to occur In the field of business. That might lead to the absence of office work or company buildings. In general, those people that the two basic activities; going to school and commuting to work would vanish due to the predicted rise in technology."
In the third sentence, "that" is not a correct referencing word. It should be "this". I notice the word "this" is frequently used in other places, and while there is some good use of linking words, like "nevertheless" overall the impression is repetitiveness and some error. Also, your paragraphing is not always logical. The word "nevertheless" introduces a new direction in the argument and really ought to be a new paragraph. The focus of the whole very long second paragraph is unclear.
Your arguments are not always logical. You say, "For instance, people would benefit from the convenience these gadgets ,like computers and laptops , would provide them . Students, as an example, might not go to schools.". There is no compelling logical connection between the convenience of technology and students not going to school. You would have to provide a better linking phrase between them, like "The ease of information access provided by computers and the internet might encourage some students to stay away from school and study at home". . So to summarise, the development of your argument is not always logical, there is some repetition and overuse of certain cohesive devices, and paragraphing is inadequate.
For lexical resources, while there is some imprecise use, and one or two spelling errors, it is generally OK. Some flexibility and precision, ability to use less common language, and very few spelling errors.
Grammar is a weak point. There are many errors, of nearly every kind, and sometimes it is hard to make out your meaning. Take these sentences:
“ In general, those people that the two basic activities; going to school and commuting to work would vanish due to the predicted rise in technology. Nevertheless, the aforementioned predictions seems to me and other group of people to be unrealistic for many reasons
I lost you there, at the preposition “that”. The sentence is incomplete and has no meaning. In the second sentence, you talk about the “aforementioned predictions” but I have to look back too far to find these.
In short, while you have a good range of structures, including complex sentences, the complex sentences are nearly all faulty and cause some difficulty for the reader.
If you check out the public band descriptors available for free download at IELTS.org, you should be able to determine the bands I would have given this. Check the criteria for bands 5-7.
In terms of task response, this is a fair attempt at answering the question, and you address all parts of the prompt. The format is appropriate, and your position is relevant. I think some of the main ideas are not sufficiently developed or extended. For example, you say that nursing must be taught by senior nurses, but you don't say why. You say also "For instance, people would benefit from the convenience these gadgets ,like computers and laptops , would provide them . Students, as an example, might not go to schools." These ideas do not seem connected to me, and will affect both TA and CC. The argument is weak, and the sentences are not fluently or logically linked.
So to summarise, some conclusions are unjustified, or unclear, and some ideas are not well developed.
In terms of CC while there is a sense of overall logical progression, your sentences are not always fluently linked.
Take this passage: " Students, as an example, might not go to schools. And online education would take over. Home based Working and Tele working is another example of what they predict to occur In the field of business. That might lead to the absence of office work or company buildings. In general, those people that the two basic activities; going to school and commuting to work would vanish due to the predicted rise in technology."
In the third sentence, "that" is not a correct referencing word. It should be "this". I notice the word "this" is frequently used in other places, and while there is some good use of linking words, like "nevertheless" overall the impression is repetitiveness and some error. Also, your paragraphing is not always logical. The word "nevertheless" introduces a new direction in the argument and really ought to be a new paragraph. The focus of the whole very long second paragraph is unclear.
Your arguments are not always logical. You say, "For instance, people would benefit from the convenience these gadgets ,like computers and laptops , would provide them . Students, as an example, might not go to schools.". There is no compelling logical connection between the convenience of technology and students not going to school. You would have to provide a better linking phrase between them, like "The ease of information access provided by computers and the internet might encourage some students to stay away from school and study at home". . So to summarise, the development of your argument is not always logical, there is some repetition and overuse of certain cohesive devices, and paragraphing is inadequate.
For lexical resources, while there is some imprecise use, and one or two spelling errors, it is generally OK. Some flexibility and precision, ability to use less common language, and very few spelling errors.
Grammar is a weak point. There are many errors, of nearly every kind, and sometimes it is hard to make out your meaning. Take these sentences:
“ In general, those people that the two basic activities; going to school and commuting to work would vanish due to the predicted rise in technology. Nevertheless, the aforementioned predictions seems to me and other group of people to be unrealistic for many reasons
I lost you there, at the preposition “that”. The sentence is incomplete and has no meaning. In the second sentence, you talk about the “aforementioned predictions” but I have to look back too far to find these.
In short, while you have a good range of structures, including complex sentences, the complex sentences are nearly all faulty and cause some difficulty for the reader.
If you check out the public band descriptors available for free download at IELTS.org, you should be able to determine the bands I would have given this. Check the criteria for bands 5-7.