Can someone please review my Essay: 08-OCT

[shoaibyounis]

Topic:

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Response:

Increase in the school fee structure has resulted in a common belief that financial education should be made a compulsory part of its program. I do agree with this statement and believe that sponsored education can allow hard working and needy students who cannot pay such dues. Similarly such actions will create a balanced environment in the institution, omitting the difference between rich and poor. Both of these points will be discussed in detail.

There have been cases in the past in which students were not able to achieve their educational dreams due to the lack of finances. Paid education can bring an end to this problem. Board of trusties, alumni and government should provide financial support to institutions so that the deserving students can gain benefit from it. Such funds should be provided based on merit only keeping view student’s educational and financial background. Support should be provided to the ones who deserve it the most and can utilize it in the best way.

Providing financial education created a very balanced environment in the school. For example, students from different communities study together. Concept of rich and poor is omitted. It helps students to collaborate in a better way and understand each other’s problems. At the same time it also helps in maintaining a balance in the society with equal treatment.

After analyzing both the ideas, it is obvious that financial education should be made a mandatory part of school program. It is also believed that some institutions might provide full financial support to all of its students encouraging free education to all.

[Triumpher]

not bad, I belive it is worth band seven.
How much time did you spend on this essay?

[shoaibyounis]

I completed it in 30 minutes.