please evaluate.

[Mohammed]

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes argued that free community service should be compulsory for high school students. While there are convincing arguments both for and against this opinion, I personally agree with this statement.

Including unpaid community service as a core module to school curriculums can have a positive impact on the society. For example, if children work for a charity or help their younger peers to learn any sport or a subject, there would be free labor force in these fields. This means that the economy can benefit from it as long as the organizations dealing with these issues do not pay a salary for the workers. As such, payments to tax system would be reduced which in turn can relieve some financial problems in the society.

Apart from this, students can benefit from working in different positions as well. For instance, by working for a charity organization as a volunteer they can gain some crucial practical knowledge and skills such as communication skills which are needed in their future lives. Another good example of this can be teaching younger children. This might be more effective if kids are taught by their elder counterparts because students can understand them better rather than the adult teachers. Besides this, volunteering activities may have positive effects in terms of growing up high school pupils more humanist. To take working for a charity as an example again, by helping other people .e.g. raising money for the unable people or patients, sense of well-wishing could be formed in teenager’s psychology.

In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I completely agree that unpaid community service should be made one of the essential subjects in school programmes.

[Chi]

Few of my thoughts. I didn't have time to go through every sentences of your essay though.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


It is sometimes argued that free community service should be compulsory for high school students. While there are convincing arguments both for and against this opinion, I personally agree with this statement.

Including unpaid community service as a core module to school curriculums can have a positive impact on the society. For example, if children work for a charity or help their younger peers to learn any sport or a subject, there would be free labor force in these fields. This means that the economy can benefit from it as long as the organizations dealing with these issues do not pay a salary for the workers. As such, payments to tax system would be reduced which in turn can relieve some financial problems in the society. <= This last sentence is unclear, not sure if you mean there will be reduced taxes? I think it should be "there is less funding demand which in turn relieves financial burden for the government"

Are you sure your argument is valid? School programs are designed to educate children, not to exploit them! Other than that, this paragraph is written in a logical manner.

Apart from this, students can benefit from working in different positions as well. For instance, by working for a charity organization as a volunteer they can gain some crucial practical knowledge and skills such as communication skills which are needed in their future lives. Another good example of this can be teaching younger children. This might be more effective if kids are taught by their elder counterparts because students can understand them better rather than the adult teachers. <= this example is not linked to the topic sentence, as you stated that students, presumably that you are referring to the HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS, can benefit from the program, the ones that benefit are not the high school students but the younger kids. Besides this, volunteering activities may have positive effects in terms of growing up high school pupils more humanist. To take working for a charity as an example again, by helping other people .e.g. raising money for the unable people or patients, sense of well-wishing could be formed in teenager’s psychology.

In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I completely agree that unpaid community service should be made one of the essential subjects in school programmes.

[saqibali]

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes argued that free community service should be compulsory for high school students. While there are convincing arguments both for and against this opinion, I personally agree with this statement.

Conditioning the high education degree with completion of social volunteer work has been a well debated issue since last century.With popularity of newly introduced social courses, the discusison has taken a serious turn.It is agreed that free social work should be an integral part of high education program.Analyzing both the benefits it provides to socity in the form of free staff as well as the valuable experience it provides to students will prove this argument.

Firstly, declaring the uppaid community service as an integral part of high education curriculum will help socity with low expensive service and hence in turn it brings prosperity to the poor part of society.For example, if a student works for a charity organization and helps its dependents learn important skills, the financial burder of the charity organization will reduce and in effect society will get positive economical benefits.A report issued by NEWYORK times last year statistically demonstrates that the socities with higher rate of volunteer work served to charities have extremely low budget charity organizations which in turn encourage the organiations pledge more disabled child and pass the positive impacts back to socity.Hence, the volunteer work should be a necessary part of higher education degree completion.

Including unpaid community service as a core[why core?] module to school curriculums can have a positive impact on the society. For example, if children work for a charity or help their younger peers to learn any sport or a subject, there would be free labor force in these fields. This means that the economy can benefit from it as long as the organizations dealing with these issues do not pay a salary for the workers. As such, payments to tax system would be reduced which in turn can relieve some financial problems in the society.

Apart from this[In addition to this], students can benefit from working in different positions as well[why to use as well if you have used in addition]. For instance, by working for a charity organization as a volunteer they can gain some crucial practical knowledge and skills such as communication skills which are needed[compulsary] in their future lives[The sentence need revision]. Another good example of this can be teaching younger children[teaching is another good/viable example. try to main the tine and style]. This might be more effective if kids are taught by their elder counterparts because students can understand them better rather than the adult teachers. Besides this, volunteering activities may[may is not recommeded .Try to use should have, will have etc] have positive effects in terms of growing up high school pupils more humanist. To take working for a charity as an example again, by helping other people .e.g. raising money for the unable people or patients, sense of well-wishing could be formed in teenager’s psychology[Sentence need revision as it seems awkward].

Secondly, practical experience gained from volunteer work will equip the students with beneficial professional experience which in turn make them a more competenet professional and hence help the society with more useful professionals.The professional experience help a student base his knowledge on more solid foundation and provide the student with insights on practical usage of knowledge which also help the student develop advanced level of interest.It a well acknowledged that an an education curriculum closely tuned to practical experience has best performing graduates.Hence its understandable that free social work help the students gain more professional insight and it should be emphasized.

In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I completely agree that unpaid community[repition of words] service should be made one of the essential subjects in school programmes.Add recommendation

To compendium, since the unpaid social work help the society economical and students professionaly so it should be a compulsory part of degree completion.It is recommended that the government and educational bodies should introduce appropriate laws to implement these rules in their countries so that society could experience more advancement as a result.



I have polsihed the essay further below.


Conditioning the high education degree with completion of social volunteer work has been a well debated issue since origin of education program. With popularity of newly introduced social courses, the discussion has taken a serious turn. It is agreed that free social work should be an integral part of high education program. Analyzing both the benefits it provides to society in the form of free staff as well as the valuable experience it provides to students will prove this argument.

Firstly, declaring the unpaid community service an integral part of high education curriculum will help society with less expensive service and hence in turn it brings prosperity to the poor part of society. For example, if a student works for a charity organization and helps its dependents learn important skills, the financial burden of the welfare organization will reduce in turn and in effect society will get positive economic benefits. For instance, a report issued by NEWYORK times last year statistically demonstrated that the societies with higher rate of volunteer work served to charities have extremely low budget charity organizations which in turn encourages the organizations pledge more disabled children and pass the positive impacts back to the socity.Hence, the volunteer work should be a necessary part of higher education degree completion.

Secondly, practical experience gained from volunteer work will equip the students with beneficial professional experience which in turn grow them a competenet professional. The professional experience helps a student base his knowledge on a solid foundation and provide the student with insights on practical usage of knowledge. In addition, the experience help the student develop keep interest and hence improve his performance in his education. It is well acknowledged that an education curriculum closely tuned to practical experience produce best performing graduates. Hence it is understandable that free social work helps the students gain more professional insight. Thus it should be imposed positively.
To compendium, since the unpaid social work help the society economically and helps students professionally so it should be a compulsory part of degree completion. It is recommended that the government and educational bodies should introduce appropriate laws to implement these rules in their countries so that society could advance as a result.

Suggestions for improvement.

1.Take some essays from Ryan free book and try to memorie one and them write it without looking at the booklet.This will held you engrave all importatn points automaticaly in minimum time.
2.After it, take topics from that book and write essays by yourself.Then again look at instructions and other essays and correct the essays by yourself.
This will tremendiouly improve your experience and in turn it will enable you to write excellent essays on any topic.

I have corrected your essay upto my level best.But since I am not a teacher so theere could be more improvement areas.I improved thsoe areas where I am sure I can help.