please evaluate my essay

[njty32]

please evaluate my essay. I'm mimicking Ryan's structure, and my target is band 7. Thanks


Some people think cars should be banned in city centers, especially in large cities. Do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s world, the number of motor vehicles is swelling rapidly, and this trend causes numerous adverse impacts on centers of large cities. It is therefore agreed that cars should be forbidden in downtowns. This will be proven by looking at how this practice helps benefit citizens’ lifestyle and protect environment.

Firstly, banning cars in large city center provides dweller with more green spaces and improves citizens’ living standard. For example, Yangzhou government implemented a strict policy to prohibit private cars to enter the center of the city, and reconstructed some car parks accordingly to parks and pedestrian walkways. This action not only creates more space for citizens for recreation, but also makes it easier and more convenient for people to live in the city. As this example shows, it is clear that the option that cars should be banned in city centers is a good idea.

In addition to the above, restricting vehicles in big city centers encourages people to use public transportation, which reduces the air pollution. For instance, Shandong Communication Authority applied an actionable strategy recently that not allowed cars in the city center during rush hours. Because of this, most people choose metro or bus for commuting and consequently the air quality in this city has been improved greatly. Thus, this example makes it clear that vehicles in downtowns should be inhibited.

Following this look, it is concluded that disallowing motorized vehicles to enter city centers should be supported. It is hoped that this arrangement will be forfeited and widely accepted into the foreseeable future.

[Abi28dreyes]

Hi,

I think certain aspects of your writing are strong. Your structure is there. Your vocabulary looks pretty good. And I feel your understanding of the essay question is apparent. You gave specific examples too and that is great. The only thing that worries me was the last sentence at the last paragraph of your essay when you said "it is hoped that this arrangement will be forfeited" I think you meant fortified? However, overall I will gauge this essay as band 7.5 and perhaps even 8.0. Hope that helps. Keep it up!

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

please evaluate my essay. I'm mimicking Ryan's structure, and my target is band 7. Thanks


Some people think cars should be banned in city centers, especially in large cities. Do you agree or disagree?

-------

In today’s world, the number of motor vehicles is swelling rapidly, and this trend causes numerous adverse impacts on centers of large cities. It is therefore agreed that cars should be forbidden in downtowns. This will be proven by looking at how this practice helps benefit citizens’ lifestyle and protect environment.

Firstly, banning cars in large city center provides dweller with more green spaces and improves citizens’ living standard. For example, Yangzhou government implemented a strict policy to prohibit private cars to enter the center of the city, and reconstructed some car parks accordingly to parks and pedestrian walkways. This action not only creates more space for citizens for recreation, but also makes it easier and more convenient for people to live in the city. As this example shows, it is clear that the option that cars should be banned in city centers is a good idea.

In addition to the above, restricting vehicles in big city centers encourages people to use public transportation, which reduces the air pollution. For instance, Shandong Communication Authority applied an actionable strategy recently that not allowed cars in the city center during rush hours. Because of this, most people choose metro or bus for commuting and consequently the air quality in this city has been improved greatly. Thus, this example makes it clear that vehicles in downtowns should be inhibited.

Following this look, it is concluded that disallowing motorized vehicles to enter city centers should be supported. It is hoped that this arrangement will be forfeited and widely accepted into the foreseeable future.

I quite liked the structure, however you repeat the essay question vocabulary a lot - for example "city" 8x and "cars" 5x: "http://www.textfixer.com/tools/online-w ... p#newText2". Also there were various grammar issues - maybe grade 6.5 approximately.

In today’s world, the number of motor vehicles is swelling rapidly, and this trend causes numerous adverse impacts on centers of large cities. It is therefore agreed that cars should be forbidden in ("downtown areas") downtowns. This will be proven by looking at how this practice helps benefit citizens’ ("lifestyles") lifestyle and ("protects the") protect environment.

Firstly, banning cars in ("a") large city center provides ("dwellers") dweller with more green spaces and improves citizens’ living ("standards") standard. For example, Yangzhou government implemented a strict policy to prohibit private cars to enter the center of the city, and reconstructed some car parks accordingly to parks and pedestrian walkways. This action not only creates more space for citizens for recreation, but also makes it easier and more convenient for people to live in the city. As this example shows, it is clear that the option that cars should be banned in city centers is a good idea.

In addition to the above, restricting vehicles in big city centers encourages people to use public transportation, which reduces the air pollution. For instance, Shandong Communication Authority applied an actionable strategy recently that ("did not allow") not allowed cars in the city center during rush hours. Because of this, most people choose ("to take the") metro or ("a") bus for commuting and consequently the air quality in this city has been improved greatly. Thus, this example makes it clear that vehicles in ("downtown areas") downtowns should be inhibited.

Following this look, it is concluded that disallowing motorized vehicles to enter city centers should be supported. It is hoped that this arrangement will be ("forfeited"?)forfeited and widely accepted into the foreseeable future.

[njty32]

please evaluate my essay. I'm mimicking Ryan's structure, and my target is band 7. Thanks


Some people think cars should be banned in city centers, especially in large cities. Do you agree or disagree?

-------

In today’s world, the number of motor vehicles is swelling rapidly, and this trend causes numerous adverse impacts on centers of large cities. It is therefore agreed that cars should be forbidden in downtowns. This will be proven by looking at how this practice helps benefit citizens’ lifestyle and protect environment.

Firstly, banning cars in large city center provides dweller with more green spaces and improves citizens’ living standard. For example, Yangzhou government implemented a strict policy to prohibit private cars to enter the center of the city, and reconstructed some car parks accordingly to parks and pedestrian walkways. This action not only creates more space for citizens for recreation, but also makes it easier and more convenient for people to live in the city. As this example shows, it is clear that the option that cars should be banned in city centers is a good idea.

In addition to the above, restricting vehicles in big city centers encourages people to use public transportation, which reduces the air pollution. For instance, Shandong Communication Authority applied an actionable strategy recently that not allowed cars in the city center during rush hours. Because of this, most people choose metro or bus for commuting and consequently the air quality in this city has been improved greatly. Thus, this example makes it clear that vehicles in downtowns should be inhibited.

Following this look, it is concluded that disallowing motorized vehicles to enter city centers should be supported. It is hoped that this arrangement will be forfeited and widely accepted into the foreseeable future.

I quite liked the structure, however you repeat the essay question vocabulary a lot - for example "city" 8x and "cars" 5x: "http://www.textfixer.com/tools/online-w ... p#newText2". Also there were various grammar issues - maybe grade 6.5 approximately.

In today’s world, the number of motor vehicles is swelling rapidly, and this trend causes numerous adverse impacts on centers of large cities. It is therefore agreed that cars should be forbidden in ("downtown areas") downtowns. This will be proven by looking at how this practice helps benefit citizens’ ("lifestyles") lifestyle and ("protects the") protect environment.

Firstly, banning cars in ("a") large city center provides ("dwellers") dweller with more green spaces and improves citizens’ living ("standards") standard. For example, Yangzhou government implemented a strict policy to prohibit private cars to enter the center of the city, and reconstructed some car parks accordingly to parks and pedestrian walkways. This action not only creates more space for citizens for recreation, but also makes it easier and more convenient for people to live in the city. As this example shows, it is clear that the option that cars should be banned in city centers is a good idea.

In addition to the above, restricting vehicles in big city centers encourages people to use public transportation, which reduces the air pollution. For instance, Shandong Communication Authority applied an actionable strategy recently that ("did not allow") not allowed cars in the city center during rush hours. Because of this, most people choose ("to take the") metro or ("a") bus for commuting and consequently the air quality in this city has been improved greatly. Thus, this example makes it clear that vehicles in ("downtown areas") downtowns should be inhibited.

Following this look, it is concluded that disallowing motorized vehicles to enter city centers should be supported. It is hoped that this arrangement will be ("forfeited"?)forfeited and widely accepted into the foreseeable future.

very helpful! thanks !