please evaluate the task 1. please

[faruk079]

Question: Recently you have got admission into a college. There are no sports facilities. You like to join in a private sports club.
a. Introduce yourself.
b. Why you are interested to join.
c. Ask questions about clubs (e.g. facilities, membership, costs).

Dear Sir,
Some days ago, I have got admitted into a college and there is no sports facility. I am writing this letter to join in your reputed sports club located in my area.

I have come to know from my friends that there are some special facilities in your club such as the club is fully equipped with the necessary items for playing football, cricket, badminton etc. Moreover, I have heard that there are trainers for those sports as well. The special reason for my willingness to join is the timing of your club. As it starts from 4:00 pm every day, I can commence practicing sports after my classes. Furthermore, it is very closer to my house. In addition to that, I know that the organization assists its members to participate in any sports in national level, which would be a golden opportunity for me to build a brighter prospect in this sector. I have some queries regarding your club. What is the membership fee? Is there any discount for students? Also, what is the renewal period of membership? Additionally, I like swimming. Does your club facilitate a swimming pool and instructors? Please let me know regarding the hidden costs. I have a Visa credit card. Do you accept payment via credit card?

I anticipate that you would assist me by answering the questions and providing other information as well. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely,
Faruqe Ahmed

[Flick]

Question: Recently you have got admission into a college. There are no sports facilities. You like to join in a private sports club.
a. Introduce yourself.
b. Why you are interested to join.
c. Ask questions about clubs (e.g. facilities, membership, costs).

Dear Sir,

Some days ago, I have got admitted into a college and there is no sports facility.(<--Delete this sentence.) I am writing this letter to join in your reputed sports club located in my area.(<--Reword to: "I am writing this letter to request information on joining your sports club.")

I have come to know from my friends that there are some special facilities in your club such as the club is fully equipped with the necessary items for playing football, cricket, badminton etc.(<--Reword to: "My friends have informed me that your club has the equipment and facilities for many sports, including football, cricket and badminton.") Moreover, I have heard that there are trainers for those sports as well.

The special reason for my willingness to join is the timing of your club.(<--Reword to: "Particularly appealing is the practice time you have set.") As it starts from 4:00 pm every day, I can commence practicing sports after my classes. Furthermore, it is very close to my house. In addition to that, I know that the organization assists its members to participate in many sports at a national level, which would be a golden opportunity for me to build a brighter prospect in this sector.

I have some queries regarding your club. What is the membership fee? Is there any discount for students? Also, what is the renewal period of membership? Additionally, I like swimming. Does your club facilitate a swimming pool and instructors? Please let me know regarding the hidden costs.(<--Reword to: "Are there any extra costs for instructors?") I have a Visa credit card. Do you accept payment via credit card?

I anticipate that you would assist me by answering the questions and providing other information as well.(<--Delete this sentence.) I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely,
Faruqe Ahmed