Please flick assess my essay as fast as possible.

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jesus
Posts: 86
Joined: Mon Dec 15, 2014 3:32 pm

Please flick assess my essay as fast as possible.

Post by jesus »

In some cultures, children are expected to follow very strict rules of behaviour. In other cultures, children are allowed to do almost anything they want. What are the merits of each opinion? What is your position on the matter? Include relevant examples in your response.

Since the dawn of the human civilization, people have been continuously practicing cultures throughout their life. However, the concept of culture is lopsided the world over. In my opinion, the tradition will be plausible if it permits the children to do whatever they want. The beneficial areas of this approach to provide freedom to children and create productive manpower will be analyzed thoroughly with actionable evidences.

Firstly, when the society sets youths free from cultural restrictions, they can expose their creativity properly. For example, most Nepalese doctors in both private and government hospitals, especially in Bir hospital and Gandaki health centre, are females. Despite the cultural belief that young girls should not be educated, when they are involved in education field, they prosper and become a key member of society. In lights of this, there should be restrictions free civilization.

Additionally, while adopting a single cultural pattern for long term is preposterous, following civilization without any strict rules can help a nation to create more productive manpower. The noticeable differences between education level of European and Asian young students will embodies this idea perfectly. Therefore, if culture does not hinder the young students academic performance, they can contribute anything to the world through their proper knowledge and understanding. What this means is that children must be encouraged to step ahead of the shadow of the cultural restrictions.

After the analyzation of merits of restrictions free civilization to create productive manpower and deliver freedom to children, it is believed that the tradition should not educate youths to adopt its blind rules, but encourage them to do what they aspire. It is thus recommended that people must interpret the culture according to their present situations, rather than situations according to the culture.

worrds = 290
While my ielts test is not far away, please feel free to share your thoughts on this essay.
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Flick
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Re: Please flick assess my essay as fast as possible.

Post by Flick »

jesus wrote:In some cultures, children are expected to follow very strict rules of behaviour. In other cultures, children are allowed to do almost anything they want. What are the merits of each opinion? What is your position on the matter? Include relevant examples in your response.

Since the dawn of the human civilization, people have been continuously practicing cultures throughout their life.(<--Reword to: Since the dawn of the human civilization, people have separated into various cultures with different rules and traditions.") However, the concept of culture is lopsided the world over.(<--What does this mean? If you make a statement, you need to explain it.) In my opinion, the tradition will be plausible if it permits the children to do whatever they want.(<--What tradition? You have jumped from talking about culture to talking about tradition. It is difficult to understand what you mean.) The benefits of this approach to provide freedom to children and create productive manpower will be analyzed thoroughly with actionable evidence.

Firstly, when the society sets youths free from cultural restrictions, they can express their creativity properly. For example, most Nepalese doctors in both private and government hospitals, especially in Bir hospital and Gandaki health centre, are female. Despite the cultural belief that young girls should not be educated, when they are involved in education, they prosper and become key members of society. In light of this, there should be few restrictions on civilization.

Additionally, while adopting a single cultural pattern for the long term is preposterous,(<--why is it preposterous?) following civilization without any strict rules can help a nation to create more productive manpower.(<--I don't understand this sentence. In the first half of the sentence you talk about culture, while in the second half you talk about the government setting rules.) The noticeable differences between education levels of European and Asian students embodies this idea perfectly.(<--How?) Therefore, if culture does not hinder the students' academic performance, they can contribute to the world through their proper knowledge and understanding. What this means is that children must be encouraged to step out of the shadow of cultural restrictions.

After analyzing the merits of a restriction-free civilization to create productive manpower and deliver freedom to children, it is believed that tradition should not educate youths to adopt its blind rules, but encourage them to do what they aspire to. It is thus recommended that people interpret culture according to their present situation, rather than situations according to the culture.

worrds = 290
While my ielts test is not far away, please feel free to share your thoughts on this essay.
jesus
Posts: 86
Joined: Mon Dec 15, 2014 3:32 pm

Re: Please flick assess my essay as fast as possible.

Post by jesus »

Thank you very much.
Oh, there is still a lots to do.
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