GT Task one :- pls review and provide feedback

[avijit_05]

You have visited another city in your country.
Prior to the visit you requested some information from a tourist centre,
but the information was incorrect. Write a letter to the manager of the centre and say

- What information were you looking for?
- What was incorrect in it?
- What happened to you because of it.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the services provided by your tourist centre. Recently, I visited it to gather some information about Sydney, regarding places to visit and accommodation. Allow me to explain what happened.
Although the staff member was helpful, he provided me some incorrect information. Firstly, I had a plan to visit world famous amusement park, he told me that is open on all days. But when I reached there on Sunday, to my disappointment I found that it was closed. If I had correct information, I would have gone on some other day.
In addition to that , he suggested a hotel near Darling Harbor with an excellent view. As soon as, I reached the hotel I realized that it was nowhere in vicinity if the harbor and located between the high rise building.

Due to all this issues, I faced lot of inconvenience. This effectively ruined my vacation. As a result ,I was not able to see the park and struggled a lot to find a hotel with nice view.

I hope you will do the needful and improve the services of tourist centre.
Yours Faithfully
Allan

[reidun]

Hi Avijit,
I'm no expert in English, my spelling and grammar sucks, but I have some comments.

In the opening we can clearly se why or what you are writing about, which is good.
but you have some formulations that can be improved to be more clear. I would also try to write it in a more neutral tone, he said - she said gets confusing...
eks.
you have this paragraph:
"Although the staff member was helpful, he provided me some incorrect information. Firstly, I had a plan to visit world famous amusement park, he told me that is open on all days. But when I reached there on Sunday, to my disappointment I found that it was closed. If I had correct information, I would have gone on some other day."

the start is ok, but I would rewrite to something like this: Although the staffmember was helpful, I was provided with some incorrect information. Firstly, I was planning to visit the amusementpark, and I was told it was open every day/ all days. But when I arrived on sunday, to my dissapointment, I found it to be closed.
the reason I would do it this way is I find it to be more Clear and consise.

in your conclusion you refer to all this issues, and it seems to me that there were only two - so i would skip ,all ,and just Write due to these issues.....

I would also komment on Your parting lines. I find the word needful to be awkward... maybe just say it simply like I hope you will take this feedback and use them to improve ....

Also, to me, Yours faithfully is a line used to some one you know very well like a friend or loved one. Try to use best regards or kind regards instead.


wow... when i look at this it seemed like a lot, sorry :/ , but I hope you find some of it useful

best regards

[avijit_05]

Hi Avijit,
I'm no expert in English, my spelling and grammar sucks, but I have some comments.

In the opening we can clearly se why or what you are writing about, which is good.
but you have some formulations that can be improved to be more clear. I would also try to write it in a more neutral tone, he said - she said gets confusing...
eks.
you have this paragraph:
"Although the staff member was helpful, he provided me some incorrect information. Firstly, I had a plan to visit world famous amusement park, he told me that is open on all days. But when I reached there on Sunday, to my disappointment I found that it was closed. If I had correct information, I would have gone on some other day."

the start is ok, but I would rewrite to something like this: Although the staffmember was helpful, I was provided with some incorrect information. Firstly, I was planning to visit the amusementpark, and I was told it was open every day/ all days. But when I arrived on sunday, to my dissapointment, I found it to be closed.
the reason I would do it this way is I find it to be more Clear and consise.

in your conclusion you refer to all this issues, and it seems to me that there were only two - so i would skip ,all ,and just Write due to these issues.....

I would also komment on Your parting lines. I find the word needful to be awkward... maybe just say it simply like I hope you will take this feedback and use them to improve ....

Also, to me, Yours faithfully is a line used to some one you know very well like a friend or loved one. Try to use best regards or kind regards instead.


wow... when i look at this it seemed like a lot, sorry :/ , but I hope you find some of it useful

best regards

Hi,
its true that your wrote a lot
it was very helpful.
"he said she said" is very confusing and does not sound good, i second with your opinion.

Thanks a lot for finding time for review.
My next essay and letter are going to come, your feedback is welcome.

Thx