Please check my writing. Go straight to any corrections or suggestions. Thanks in advance

[sattorbek]

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits??

For many years, humanbeing have been using physical labour at everything they do. However, since 21st century, the era of technology has come and people even control tonnes of heavy things with tiny remote control. There is no doubt that not only in future, even daily new cutting edge technologies are being invented and world is being computeralised.
First of all, as can be seen that virtually all organisations are conditional on using computer technologies. For instance, businessmen carry out their business with the help of computer for storing datas, word processing, internet and etc.
Additionally, computers are being installed into things such as houses, cars and so on. As an example, we consider smart cars which are in full control of itself and even it is able to take you to the desired destination when you are in deep sleep
Finally, banking on computers have its liabilities as well. Let us take into consideration that relying on computers is causing obesity. Consequently, due to that, overusing computers is the source of an issue of laziness. Therefore, people are utilizing computers to play virtual games, unusual chats, and virtual activities which shows people's contingency for less physical labour.
On the whole, for all above mentioned examples, it can be assumed that some facilities vitally depend on computers, thus this dependence must be directed to particular objects which would not impact on physical activities

[sattorbek]

Its been more than a week that I posted this writing. Is there anyone who can see it and recommend something!?

[IELTSexaminer70]

Hi

What is the title of the essay? This is important to score Task Achievement. Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammatical Range and Accuracy is all that could be marked without it.

If you want essays marked and graded to a professional level (Quickly!!!) then you can always use www.my-iteacher.com where the IELTS experts will look at your strengths and weaknesses and give an approximate IELTS grade.

[sattorbek]

The first part beginning with " We are becoming......" is the title

[IELTSexaminer70]

HA ha ha

So sorry, I think I had scrolled down too much.

OK...this is easier now. There is a lot to mark here as although some of your essay is easy to comprehend you have made quite a few mistakes with grammar and vocabulary use.

I suggest you keep the grammar simple and use vocabulary and phrases you know how to use.

Lets look at one paragraph...

For many years, humanbeing have been using physical labour at everything they do.
Is this true? Technology has been used for many years not just physical labour. Can you rewrite this?
However, since 21st century, the era of technology has come
Since the late 20th century, computer technology has become much more widespread
and people even control tonnes of heavy things with tiny remote control.
Machines both large and small are controlled using some type of computer system.

There is no doubt that not only in future, even daily new cutting edge technologies are being invented and world is being computeralised.
I firmly believe that new technology, which is increasingly dependent on computers, will continue to be developed into the future and this will produce a positive/negative outcome for society.

I hope this is helpful.

Look at the other paragraphs and rewrite them using simpler grammar and sentence structure and vocabulary you know how to use. This will give you a good foundation from where you can improve.

Good luck

[sattorbek]

Thanks a lot. That was quite helpful

[IELTSexaminer70]

you are welcome