Hello,
I would appreciate your comments on this essay. I include the question I was proposed. Thank you!
A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Animal rights have become an important discussion topic nowadays, since it has been argued if they should or shouln't be exploited to satisfy the various human needs. Personally, I think animal rights should be considered, but it is important to state that they don't have the same status as humans.
Traditionally, human kind has used animals for its benefit for thousands of years. In the beginning, animals were only a food source, but once the expertise on how to domesticate them was developed, they have been used also as tools. Take donkeys and horses as an example. The use of animal strenght has made possible many human developments in the fields of construction and transport, among others. In recent ages, animals have been used successfully in research applications, mainly on the health field. For instance, it is very common that drugs used on humans have been previously tested on apes, since their bodies respond in a similar way. Keeping those factors in mind, it is very understandable how some people defend animal use in favour of human needs.
But not all the cases where animals are used are ethically defended. In some cases, they are seen as entretainment sources. Fore instance, a wide variety of cultures promote animal fight, with bulls, dogs or roosters, as an entretainment activity, where people enjoys with their pain. Another example is when animals on research applications suffer the side-efects of test drugs, and are held on cruel conditions, since they might not have the opportunity to carry on a "normal life".
I agree that animals can be used for human benefit, but only onthe cases where their dignity is not jeopardized. I think animals should be treated in a better way, but I consider inappropiate to grant them the same rights humans have. Boundaries should be discussed globally, to avoid animal exploitation, and governments should monitor the activities where they are used.
IELTS Task2 For your consideration :D
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mmsanchezramirez
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SyntaxFox
- IELTS Instructor
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Re: IELTS Task2 For your consideration :D
Hi mmsanchezramirez, thanks for posting. Sorry it took so long for someone to get back to you! I’ve read your work, and I have a few tips for you.
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
----
A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Animal rights have become an important discussion topic nowadays. The question being debated is (<-- I split this sentence in half to make it easier to read. I also changed the wording a little to make it clearer.) whether they should or should not be exploited to satisfy the various human needs. Personally, I think animal rights should be considered, but it is important to state that they don't have the same status as humans.
Humankind has used animals for its benefit for thousands of years. (<-- I removed the word ‘traditionally’ because it’s not needed in addition to ‘for thousands of years.’ Both mean it happened a long time ago!) In the beginning, animals were only a food source, but once expertise (<-- No need for ‘the’ here.) on how to domesticate them was developed, they were also used as tools. Take donkeys and horses as an example. The use of animal strength has made many human developments possible (<-- I moved the word ‘possible’ to improve the flow of the sentence.) in the fields of construction and transport, among others. In recent years, animals have been used successfully in research applications, mainly in the health field. For instance, it is very common that drugs used on humans have been previously tested on apes, since their bodies respond in a similar way. Keeping those factors in mind, it is very understandable why some people defend animal use in favour of human needs.
But not all the cases where animals are used are ethically defended. In some cases, they are seen as entertainment sources. For instance, a wide variety of cultures promote animal fights, with bulls, dogs or roosters, as an entertainment activity, where people enjoy watching their pain. (<-- I added ‘watching’ to help clarify the meaning.) Another example is when animals used for research applications suffer the side-effects of test drugs, and are held in cruel conditions, since they might not have the opportunity to carry on a "normal life".
I agree that animals can be used for human benefit, but only in the cases where their dignity is not jeopardised. I think animals should be treated better, (<-- I reworded this to be more concise.) but I consider it inappropriate to grant them the same rights that humans have. Boundaries should be discussed globally, to avoid animal exploitation, and governments should monitor the activities where they are used.
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I enjoyed reading your work, and I have some advice for you. Firstly, watch out for spelling mistakes in long words. I noticed that you spelled ‘entertainment’ wrong several times. To help in the future, you could try to think of how to spell ‘enter’, like ‘entering’ a room. Remember that while in British English we do spell ‘centre’ and ‘metre’ (the unit of measurement) with the ‘r’ before the ‘e’, the word ‘enter’ has an ‘er’.
Secondly, I saw that you’ve used the word ‘on’ incorrectly several times, rather than ‘in’. Maybe you could try practising some sentences.
Here are a few exercises you could try. They're all about using propositions.
http://www.englishexercises.org/makeaga ... sp?id=2947
http://www.englishexercises.org/makeaga ... sp?id=4090
http://www.englishexercises.org/makeaga ... sp?id=4446
I didn’t create the exercises – I just found them by searching with Google. So please don’t blame me for the strange colours and sparkles! I know they look a bit funny, but maybe you will find them useful.
Keep practising,
SyntaxFox
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
----
A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Animal rights have become an important discussion topic nowadays. The question being debated is (<-- I split this sentence in half to make it easier to read. I also changed the wording a little to make it clearer.) whether they should or should not be exploited to satisfy the various human needs. Personally, I think animal rights should be considered, but it is important to state that they don't have the same status as humans.
Humankind has used animals for its benefit for thousands of years. (<-- I removed the word ‘traditionally’ because it’s not needed in addition to ‘for thousands of years.’ Both mean it happened a long time ago!) In the beginning, animals were only a food source, but once expertise (<-- No need for ‘the’ here.) on how to domesticate them was developed, they were also used as tools. Take donkeys and horses as an example. The use of animal strength has made many human developments possible (<-- I moved the word ‘possible’ to improve the flow of the sentence.) in the fields of construction and transport, among others. In recent years, animals have been used successfully in research applications, mainly in the health field. For instance, it is very common that drugs used on humans have been previously tested on apes, since their bodies respond in a similar way. Keeping those factors in mind, it is very understandable why some people defend animal use in favour of human needs.
But not all the cases where animals are used are ethically defended. In some cases, they are seen as entertainment sources. For instance, a wide variety of cultures promote animal fights, with bulls, dogs or roosters, as an entertainment activity, where people enjoy watching their pain. (<-- I added ‘watching’ to help clarify the meaning.) Another example is when animals used for research applications suffer the side-effects of test drugs, and are held in cruel conditions, since they might not have the opportunity to carry on a "normal life".
I agree that animals can be used for human benefit, but only in the cases where their dignity is not jeopardised. I think animals should be treated better, (<-- I reworded this to be more concise.) but I consider it inappropriate to grant them the same rights that humans have. Boundaries should be discussed globally, to avoid animal exploitation, and governments should monitor the activities where they are used.
----
I enjoyed reading your work, and I have some advice for you. Firstly, watch out for spelling mistakes in long words. I noticed that you spelled ‘entertainment’ wrong several times. To help in the future, you could try to think of how to spell ‘enter’, like ‘entering’ a room. Remember that while in British English we do spell ‘centre’ and ‘metre’ (the unit of measurement) with the ‘r’ before the ‘e’, the word ‘enter’ has an ‘er’.
Secondly, I saw that you’ve used the word ‘on’ incorrectly several times, rather than ‘in’. Maybe you could try practising some sentences.
Here are a few exercises you could try. They're all about using propositions.
http://www.englishexercises.org/makeaga ... sp?id=2947
http://www.englishexercises.org/makeaga ... sp?id=4090
http://www.englishexercises.org/makeaga ... sp?id=4446
I didn’t create the exercises – I just found them by searching with Google. So please don’t blame me for the strange colours and sparkles! I know they look a bit funny, but maybe you will find them useful.
Keep practising,
SyntaxFox