Please analyse my WRITING TASK-2 (expected band = 7)

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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jesus
Posts: 86
Joined: Mon Dec 15, 2014 3:32 pm

Please analyse my WRITING TASK-2 (expected band = 7)

Post by jesus »

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer
nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the
responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their
citizens themselves?


words = 274

In today’s world, human beings are segregated with the land they reside and designate it as a nation. Among them, some countries allocate a large number of fortune whereas others are down-par on wealthier contemporary environment. It is believed that richer nations should contribute their wealth to offer help such as food and education to poorer nations, in order to sustain the sense of humanity and create a good rapport between them. This will be analyzed thoroughly by deriving a logical reasoning.

Firstly, as being a human, everyone must have the concept of compassion and sympathy. For example, when a massive earthquake struck in Nepal, several foreign countries offer aid for the Nepalese people. This example clearly embodies that every individual nations should have the notion of supporting each other during their difficulties. In light of this, wealthier states should do what they can to help poorer states.

In addition to this, despite having major errors, each country should have satisfying relationship with each other. For instance, nowadays India and Pakistan have very intimate bonding between them as they were the members of SAARC. As this shows, even though segregated from common land, these two countries have had a good relation and play cricket together to sustain a peace and harmony. What this means is that strong nations should help weak nations to have positive connection between them.

After evaluating the areas of humanity and a good rapport, it has been obvious that every nation should share something to other nation, if they have more than they need. It is thus hoped that wealthier countries will consistently pose the idea of supporting poorer countries.
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Flick
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Please analyse my WRITING TASK-2 (expected band = 7)

Post by Flick »

jesus wrote:Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer
nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the
responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their
citizens themselves?


words = 274

In today’s world, human beings are segregated by the land they reside on, and designate it as a nation. Among them, some countries allocate a large number of fortune whereas others are down-par on wealthier contemporary environment.(<--Reword to: "However, the distribution of wealth between nations is not even.") It is believed that richer nations should contribute some of their wealth to offer help such as food and education to poorer nations, in order to sustain the sense of humanity and create a good rapport. This will be analyzed thoroughly through logical reasoning.

Firstly, as being a human, everyone must have the concept of compassion and sympathy.(<--Reword to: "Firstly, as human beings, we all understand compassion and sympathy.") For example, when a massive earthquake struck in Nepal, several foreign countries offered aid for the Nepalese people. This example clearly shows that every individual nation should undersatnd the notion of supporting each other during difficult times. In light of this, wealthier states should do what they can to help poorer states.

In addition to this, despite having major issues, each country should build strong relationships with each other. For instance, nowadays India and Pakistan have very intimate bonding between them as they are members of SAARC. As this shows, even though segregated from common land, these two countries have a good relationship and play cricket together to sustain peace and harmony. What this means is that strong nations should help weak nations to have a positive connection between them.

After evaluating the areas of humanity and good rapport, it is obvious that every nation should share something with other nations, if they have more than they need. It is thus hoped that wealthier countries will consistently pose the idea of supporting poorer countries.
jesus
Posts: 86
Joined: Mon Dec 15, 2014 3:32 pm

Re: Please analyse my WRITING TASK-2 (expected band = 7)

Post by jesus »

Thank you.
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