Check my Writing Task-1, give me probable Band Score

[kingkhan007]

Writing Task 1 (a letter) {150 words)– Write a letter to the publisher in a newspaper, asking to advertise a meeting of people from different countries you are organizing. Explain where, when and why.
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The Publisher
Times of Oman
Oman,

Dear Sir,

My name is Alex and I am President of a social group called “InterNation”-Oman. The main aim of this group is to arrange social mixing of expatriates working in different countries of the world. Over the period of time, this group has expanded to other countries including Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) countries.

The Oman chapter is arranging one meeting inviting all its members to meet and share the experience particularly looking into the possibility to expand this charity group. The venue of the meeting is Ball Room Crowne Plaza – Muscat @ 1800 hrs on May 15, 2015. As your esteemed newspaper are being published in all GCC countries, I therefore, wish to have one advertisement published on this coming Sunday i.e. on April 20, 2015. The advertisement will be of standard size with “12” lines and it should be published on Advertisement page.

I am attaching a template of the same. Kindly let me know the discounted rates and your bank details so that the necessary amount can be remitted into your account.

I am looking ahead to hear from you soon.

Regards,

Alex

(190 Words)

[terry3218]

It's a decent letter, I reckon you'd get band, somewhere in the region of 6.5-7 for this.

[kingkhan007]

Thanks terry.
i only need 7 band.. not eager for higher .arks..

[csunidhi]

Hi Terry, What can be amended to this letter to take it to Band 8? Your guidance is highly appreciated...S

[terry3218]

Hi Terry, What can be amended to this letter to take it to Band 8? Your guidance is highly appreciated...S

I'm no expert by any means infact I'm aiming for 8 bands in writing myself but anyways I guess bit more cohesion and cohesiveness, and slightly more complex vocabulary might just do the trick.