Help with writing Task 2, Academic

[alhejaj]

I wonder anyone can provide me with some feedback.

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It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
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People are born with different characteristics to grow up with some certain mentality and personality. However, there are other circumstances and conditions of living that may have a huge impact on how people grow up and develop.

Certainly, individuals are born with many body and mind differences of each other. This could be scientifically known in biology as genetics that may inherited by individuals from their ancestors. For example, most well-known musician, such as Beethoven and Mozart, are born in musician families. Therefore, I think that talented people usually inherit their characteristics from their previous generation who belong to.

However, if some capabilities and resources are made available for some people, they would have a huge impact on them. To illustrate a good education system that could influence student and does include some creative classes such as music and sport may likely produce a generation with better talented skills. Furthermore, Countries have stable political regime and strong economical living standards are much better than unstable and poor countries in creating better generations which will make differences in the future. To illustrate country such Japan has a long-time stable economy and build a strong education system has much performed effects on people’s lives. These two factors are mostly responsible of exist of many talented young and matured individual who have made a lot of discoveries and developments that returned with huge benefits back to their state.

Therefore, I think lucky people who inherited some unique characteristics from their ancestors and born in stable and rich nation have eventually more opportunities and better prosperous future to become more successful individuals.

[Flick]

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It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
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People are born with different characteristics to grow up with a certain mentality and personality. However, there are other circumstances and conditions of living that may have a huge impact on how people grow up and develop.

Certainly, individuals are born with many body and mind differences from each other. This could be scientifically known in biology as genetics that may be inherited by individuals from their ancestors. For example, most well-known musiciasn, such as Beethoven and Mozart, are born into musical families. Therefore, I think that talented people usually inherit their characteristics from the previous generation.

However, if some capabilities and resources are made available to people, they could have a huge impact. To illustrate, a good education system that could influence students includes some creative classes such as music and sport. These opportunities may produce a generation with better skills. Furthermore, countries with stable political regimes and strong economical living standards are much better than unstable and poor countries in creating generations which will make differences in the future. For example, Japan has a long-time stable economy and a strong education system that has much produced many successful people. These two factors are mostly responsible for the existence of many talented young and matured individuals who have made a lot of discoveries and developments that returned with huge benefits back to their state.

Therefore, I think lucky people who inherit some unique characteristics from their ancestors and are born in stable and rich nations will receive more opportunities and better prospects to become more successful individuals in the future.

[aleksandra2527]

I love your essay, because it is well-structured. In the introduction you suggested 2 opinions you were going to discuss. In the body you provided them with examples and summed up. Paragraph 3 is rather long and there is something to be corrected.

Furthermore, the countries that have stable political regime and strong economic living standards are much better than unstable and poor ones in creating better generations which will make differences in the future. To illustrate, the country such as Japan has a long-time stable economy and build a strong education system has much performed effects on people’s lifes. These two factors are mostly responsible for existing of many talented young and matured individuals who have made a lot of discoveries and developments that returned with huge benefits back to their state.

One of useful tips is that you should not to repeat key words like individuals, countries and so one. If you do so, you will lose scores. Anyway, your essay is close to level 7.
By the way, if you need quicker feedback, you can use the site https://essaycool.com/. When I have been preparing for IELTS, it was very helpful. I used the service Proofreading. It checked my essays quite fast and with high quality. Different other services are available there - rewriting, editing and custom writing.

[alhejaj]

Thanks Flick again for your helping with grammar. I really appreciate that

[alhejaj]

Thanks Aleksandra for your valuable feedback. Its really help a lot