Writing Task 2 Please assess me writing

[arsa818]

According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction.
How far do you agree with this opinion?

it is certainly true that people are spending more time on internet rather than physical interaction. although internet based communication has many positive effects but it has many drawbacks, which are tempering traditional way of social interaction. i totally agree with this argument.
on one hand internet has opened new way of communication which is very fast and reliable and benefit billions of people around the world. E-mail communication and social websites have brought many stakeholders and friends closer. world wide web not only provide information on almost every subject but also easy to exchange resources. furthermore, in today's worlds internet is essential in every aspect of life from business to household it is used everywhere.
However, on other hand the prolific use of internet is damaging the traditional way of communication. nowadays their mostly people do not have time as they are very busy in their jobs. they could not spare time for physical interaction as their ancestors had . the only substitute available to them is the internet based communication in which they are able to save time and resources as well. furthermore, globalized world is very competitive and they have to keep in touch with people from different fields of life to maintain their pace. the number of contacts have increased and physical interaction with each of them is not possible.
in conclusion, therefore internet is replacing old ways of communication but it is not the substitute of physical interaction. it is important for us to spare some time form our busy life and spend it with our friends and family, otherwise the new generation will dependant on internet.

(272 Words)

[minihankies]

I keep a distance from the truth of me to come to your reality.

[Flick]

According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world-wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction.
How far do you agree with this opinion?

It is certainly true that people are spending more time on the internet rather than physical interaction. Although internet-based communication has many positive effects but it has many drawbacks, which are tempering traditional methods of social interaction. I totally agree with this argument.

On one hand, the internet has opened new ways of communicating which are very fast and reliable and benefit billions of people around the world. E-mail communication and social websites have brought many stakeholders and friends closer. The world wide web not only provides information on almost every subject, but also easy to exchange resources. Furthermore, in today's world the internet is essential in every aspect of life from business to personal, and it is used everywhere.

However, on the other hand the prolific use of the internet is damaging the traditional ways of communicating. Nowadays, their mostly people do not have time as they are very busy in their jobs.(<--This sentence does not add any meaning to the paragraph.) They cannot spare time for physical interaction like their ancestors could. The only substitute available to them is internet-based communication in which they are able to save time and resources. Furthermore, the world is very competitive and they have to keep in touch with people from different fields of life to maintain their pace. The number of contacts has increased and physical interaction with each of them is not possible.

In conclusion, the internet is replacing old ways of communicating but it is no substitute for physical interaction. It is important for us to spare some time in our busy lives and spend it with our friends and family, otherwise the new generation will be dependent on the internet.

(272 Words)

[arsa818]

Thank you Flick for your contribution

Could you please suggest me any further readings that improve my grammar

thanks again.

[mhingz]

Hi Arsa818,
I think you should try to consider to re structure your essay..
have a look at this blog by ryan...
http://ieltsielts.com/argument-and-disc ... explained/
mhingz

[arsa818]

Hi Arsa818,
I think you should try to consider to re structure your essay..
have a look at this blog by ryan...
http://ieltsielts.com/argument-and-disc ... explained/
mhingz

thanks brother

[malikaielts]

Hi, I can be your partner if you want to!
I need the same score!
I live near London.
See you!