Could you please assess my essay

[Yura]

Hi
Would you please check my essay?
Topic is the following:
"Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school?"

Essay.
No doubt knowledge of a foreign language is essential. There are several reasons for this.
First of all it helps people to socialize with each other all over the globe. Also it helps them to familiarize with other cultures and become more tolerant. Sometimes knowledge of a foreign can be vital, because we live in developing world so as not to be outdated we have to stay on the cutting-edge technology. (70 words)

Learning any foreign language is a very slow and challenging process that usually takes a lot of time and effort, that’s why I firmly believe the sooner children begin to study a foreign language the better. (36 words)

Naturally, children are extremely curious and it is very easy for them to assimilate new information. To my mind, for younger children it will definitely take less time compared to older ones. (32 words)

On the contrary it is quite difficult to encourage children to study, because they are very active and it is difficult for them to stay at the same place for a long time. So I think, in that case the most appropriate approach would be playing rather than traditional lessons. This will help children to gain knowledge with less effort. (60 words)

Anther reason for learning a foreign language in early age is that it will help children to feel confidence in the future. While playing and learning children will make a lot of mistakes, but in this age they won’t be afraid of being ridiculous among their classmates. (47 words)

In conclusion, good education is utterly important for children, but parents must be responsible for their kids and be sure that they do their best in order not to overload children. (31 words)

Total: 276

Thanks a lot.

[Yura]

Hi,
I would be pleased, if anyone could assess my essay. Topic is the following:
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required.

Over the past several decades pace of development of society have grown considerably. Nowadays people have to work harder to stay up to date and follow cutting-edge technology. That’s why more and more people tend to rest more actively. Furthermore, modern society requires from people to be in good shape, to stay healthy and attractive. (55)
To my mind, physical exercises are essential for everyone. This definitely helps people to strengthen the immune system, improve mental health and prevent different diseases. Currently, daily life is full of stress, so I think going in for sport is one of the best remedy for stress and one of the best ways to give vent to people’s pent-up feelings. Experts believe that for those who suffer from sleep deprivation and obesity exercising is also a great way to overcome these problems. (82)
In my opinion, to improve public health it is not only important to increase the number of facilities, but also to make them affordable. Also, to popularize healthy life stile among people of all ages a number of steps should be undertaken. (42)
Firstly, sport facilities should be reachable and cheap enough. For example, they can be installed in public parks, gardens and in the playgrounds. In this case people can do exercises whenever they want. Secondly, propaganda of healthy diet should be spreaded via media. Finally, people should realize that smoking and alcohol abuse are harmful to their health. To achieve this goal the advertisement of tobacco and alcohol should be banned. (70)
In conclusion, improving public health is rather difficult task that takes a lot of time and effort. Besides, I think without taking steps to reduce environmental fouling people all over the world risk deteriorating health of the next generations. (39)

Total: 288

Thanks a lot.

[Yura]

Hi,
Could you, please, check up my essay. It's very urgent and important for me.
The topic is the following:
"Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?"

Nowadays modern society requires knowledge of foreign languages. Thanks to modern technologies such as the Internet and mobile phones people can socialize with each other no matter how far they are. No doubt, it helps them to familiarize with other countries, to acquire knowledge about other cultures, to broaden their outlook and as a result to became more tolerant. Also, it definitely helps people to gain experience and interchange with brand-new technologies. (72)
To my mind, it’s essential for a particular country in order not to be economically disadvantaged to encourage citizens to know a foreign language. Obviously, the rise of the Internet has increased the dominance of English that’s why it became the most wildly spoken language in the world. (48)
Currently a lot of young people try to follow American lifestyle, because they watch many American films and listen to American music. Many of them really admire American celebrities because it’s considered trendy to do so. As a result English has a very strong impact on them. (47)
On the one hand having just several languages in the world would be much more convenient for people to communicate with each other, but on the other hand in that case people would have to obey certain rules and deny their own culture and ancestry. I’m sure a vast majority of people wouldn’t do this, because it wouldn’t make their life easier. (62)
Therefore, it’s vital for people to keep speaking their local language. As a matter of fact, a local language is more than just words. It connects a community with its past and cultural heritage. In my opinion, without speaking a local language a community risks to losing a part of itself. (51)
In conclusion, on the one hand it’s very important for people to know a foreign language and even try to master as much as they can, nevertheless they should do it carefully and wisely. I believe, people should take responsibility to save their own language, culture and as a result themselves. (51)
Total: 331.
Thanks a lot.

[Flick]

Hi
Would you please check my essay?
Topic is the following:
"Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school?"

Essay.
No doubt knowledge of a foreign language is essential. There are several reasons for this.
First of all, it helps people to socialize with each other all over the globe. Also, it helps us to become familiarized with other cultures and become more tolerant. Sometimes knowledge of a foreign language can be vital, because we live in a developing world, so as not to be outdated we have to stay on the cutting-edge of technology. (70 words)

Learning any foreign language is a very slow and challenging process that usually takes a lot of time and effort. That’s why I firmly believe the sooner children begin to study a foreign language the better. (36 words)

Naturally, children are extremely curious and it is very easy for them to assimilate new information. To my mind, for younger children it will definitely take less time to learn compared to older children. (32 words)

On the other hand, it is quite challenging to encourage children to study, because they are very active and it is difficult for them to stay in the same place for a long time. So I think, in that case, the most appropriate approach would be playing rather than traditional lessons. This will help children to gain knowledge with less effort. (60 words)

Anther reason for learning a foreign language at an early age is that it will help children to feel confidence in the future. While playing and learning, children will make a lot of mistakes, but at this age they won’t be afraid of being ridiculous among their classmates. (47 words)

In conclusion, good education is utterly important for children, but parents must be responsible for their kids and be sure that they do their best in order not to overload children. (31 words)

Total: 276

Thanks a lot.

[Flick]

Hi,
I would be pleased, if anyone could assess my essay. Topic is the following:
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required.

Over the past several decades, the pace of development of society has increased considerably. Nowadays, people have to work harder to stay up to date and follow cutting-edge technology. That’s why more and more people tend to rest more actively. Furthermore, modern society requires people to be in good shape, to stay healthy and attractive. (55)

To my mind, physical exercise is essential for everyone. This definitely helps people to strengthen their immune system, improve mental health and prevent various diseases. Currently, daily life is full of stress, so I think playing sport is one of the best remedys for stress and one of the best ways to give vent to people’s pent-up feelings. Experts believe that for those who suffer from sleep deprivation and obesity, exercising is also a great way to overcome these problems. (82)

In my opinion, to improve public health it is not only important to increase the number of facilities, but also to make them affordable. Also, to popularize a healthy lifestyle among people of all ages a number of steps should be undertaken. (42)

Firstly, sport facilities should be reachable and cheap. For example, they can be installed in public parks, gardens and in playgrounds. In this case, people can exercise whenever they want. Secondly, knowledge of healthy diets should be spread via the media. Finally, people should realize that smoking and alcohol abuse are harmful to their health. To achieve this goal, the advertisement of tobacco and alcohol should be banned. (70)

In conclusion, improving public health is a rather difficult task that takes a lot of time and effort. Besides, I think without taking steps to reduce environmental pollution, people all over the risk deteriorating health of the next generations. (39)

Total: 288

Thanks a lot.

[Flick]

Hi,
Could you, please, check up my essay. It's very urgent and important for me.
The topic is the following:
"Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?"

Nowadays, modern society requires knowledge of foreign languages. Thanks to modern technologies such as the Internet and mobile phones, people can socialize with each other no matter how far apart they are. No doubt, it helps them to become familiar with other countries, to acquire knowledge about other cultures, to broaden their outlook and as a result, to became more tolerant. Also, it definitely helps people to gain experience and interact with brand-new technologies. (72)

To my mind, it’s essential for a particular country in order not to be economically disadvantaged to encourage citizens to learn a foreign language. Obviously, the rise of the Internet has increased the dominance of English; that’s why it is becoming the most commonly spoken language in the world. (48)

Currently, a lot of young people try to follow the American lifestyle, because they watch many American films and listen to American music. Many of them really admire American celebrities because it’s considered trendy to do so. As a result, English has a very strong impact on them. (47)

On the one hand, having just several languages in the world would be much more convenient for people to communicate with each other, but on the other hand, in that case people would have to obey certain rules and deny their own culture and ancestry. I’m sure a vast majority of people wouldn’t do this, because it wouldn’t make their life easier. (62)

Therefore, it’s vital for people to keep speaking their local language. As a matter of fact, a local language is more than just words. It connects a community with its past and cultural heritage. In my opinion, without a local language, a community risks losing a part of itself. (51)

In conclusion, on the one hand it’s very important for people to know a foreign language and even try to master as much as they can. Nevertheless, they should do it carefully and wisely. I believe people should take responsibility to save their own language, culture and as a result, themselves. (51)

Total: 331.
Thanks a lot.

[Yura]

Hi,
Thanks Flick for your replies, but could you, pleae, add something related to the essay structure (task achievement; coherence and cohesion).
Thank you in advance.

[Yura]

hi,
Could you, please, evaluate my essay. I would be grateful to get any suggestion. It is very urgent.
The topic is the following:
“It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.”
Discuss both these vies and give you own opinion.

Answer
Talent is an essential part of people’s life and is extremely important to succeed in life. But, let me consider what the talent itself is. (25)
To my mind, talent is human ability to assimilate information with less effort or in different way. For example, it is a well know fact that Mozart imagined notes in colour, so when he played a musical composition he saw just a rainbow in front of him. That’s why it was very easy for him to create very sophisticated musical compositions. If a person talented in particular activity this person is completely immersed in his work. As a result, it is very easy for the person to notice every single detail and become a professional. (94)
However, many people rely on their talent too much. They believe that nobody can deprive it and they don’t take care of it properly. They are self-assured and it is very easy to squander their talent. (35)
Although talent is important, but the most important thing is diligence. For instance, a lot of sportsmen make a remarkable achievements thanks to their purposefulness. Talent is just a basement and in order to attain to something really worthwhile a person should be hard-working and develop its talent. I think acquired skills are more valuable then inherent. Because in this case people value their time and, so as, not to lose their experience they try to enrich their minds with knowledge. (81)
In my opinion, talent is just a part of success and to rely exclusively on it is very carelessly. It is given people for free, but at the same time it is very easy to lose it. Some people can become blind with their talent and they totally forget that the most important thing is developing their personality as well as their talent. Regarding to this case, there is great saying which I completely agree with “no pain, no gain”. (80)

Total: 315
Thank you in advance.