Venturing into the world of writing

[syedmal]

Hi Everybody,

I have not written much in form of letter/essay from the past decade or so, so suddenly appearing for an English exam has made me very doubtful about myself.

Hence, I would like to benefit from all your kind opinion in helping me score a decent band in my upcoming IELTS.
Your feedback will be very much appreciated and God send.

Q: You have bought a mobile phone in a tax-free shop just a few days ago, and it doesn't work properly.
Task: Write a letter to the manager to complain about it and ask him to solve the problem.

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to you regarding the mobile phone that I purchased from your store on 9th December 2014.

I regret to inform you that the mobile's speakers are not functional. The problem started early Friday morning while on my commute to work. I plugged in the ear-phones to the hand-set and could hear just a crackle of the program from the radio station accompanied with a lot of disturbing background noise. I immediately removed the ear-phones and rebooted the device. I also noticed that the battery was low and draining at an alarming speed, so I completely switched off the phone.
On charging the cellphone, I again tried to plug in the ear-phones and got similar results. Also, I am facing this problem even during calls - both dialing and receiving.

I contacted your store call-center the following day to hear the dismaying news that the seller warranty is only valid for 3 days from purchase. I hold your store in high regard and have bought various other electronic items as well. Hence, I would you to provide me with a replacement phone at the earliest to avoid further inconvenience. Hoping to hear from you soon.

Yours faithfully,
Syed

<<How is my structuring?, I need more practice...please review>>

[Flick]

Q: You have bought a mobile phone in a tax-free shop just a few days ago, and it doesn't work properly.
Task: Write a letter to the manager to complain about it and ask him to solve the problem.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to you regarding the mobile phone that I purchased from your store on 9th December 2014.

I regret to inform you that the mobile's speakers are not functional. The problem started early Friday morning while on my commute to work. I plugged in the ear-phones to the hand-set and could hear just a crackle of the program from the radio station accompanied with a lot of disturbing background noise. I immediately removed the ear-phones and rebooted the device. I also noticed that the battery was low and draining at an alarming speed, so I completely switched off the phone.
On charging the cellphone, I again tried to plug in the ear-phones and got similar results. Also, I am facing this problem even during calls - both dialing and receiving.

I contacted your store call-center the following day to hear the dismaying news that the seller warranty is only valid for 3 days from purchase. I hold your store in high regard and have bought various other electronic items as well. Hence, I would like you to provide me with a replacement phone at the earliest to avoid further inconvenience.

Hoping to hear from you soon.


Yours faithfully,

Syed