Please read my assey and rate me.

[mhddev]

In this post, you will see my essays. Please give me a mark from 9

Government spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmers. Most recently, Mars is the focus of scientists' attention. Some people think this many would be better spend on dealing with problem closer to home. Do Yo agree or disagree ?

The humankind was conquer the space for several years, and they obtain on a great knowledge from space, but, Is the important of these knowledge evenness a millions of dollars ? How we can used these Knowledge.

In the first hand, Our world suffering from vary problems and troubles issues and also each government has their own challenge, for example, The disease like Ebola and Adas are killing a hundreds of thousands each year. Many people in Africa are suffering from starvation and Our environment need more attention and care to avoid future disasters. Therefore Our government should spend these millions on more important things like researches to overcome environment matters say; global warming. And also offers drags and food to considerable amount of helpless people .

In the second hand, We gathering plenty of information about space and how it walk, So how we can use to these information to overcome our problems and issues, I think 10% of these information can be with meaning and helpful for us but the remain 90% is just to satisfy the desire of curiosity.

Eventually, The concentration on our really problem is better than focus on mars and space program and We should firstly solve our problem and then moving on discovering the other worlds.

[mhddev]

Why No one replay on my essay.

[IELTS Liz]

Hi,

You have done reasonably well in this essay. However, there are some issues which you need to work on. Here are some comments to help you improve your essay.

1. Don't ask questions in your introduction.
2. There are two statements in an IELTS introduction, the background statement and the thesis statement. Your background statement is fine but your thesis statement does not present your opinion. What is your opinion? Should money be spent on space exploration or on other more important things? Answer this in your thesis statement.
3. Here's a link to a free video lesson to teach you have to write an opinion essay introduction: http://www.ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-t ... roduction/
4. Use the correct linkers to start your body paragraphs - firstly, another point to consider (this is for a two point opinion essay supporting one side).
5. Grammar: Be careful of capital letters "In the first hand, Our world". Any mistakes with capital letters will reduce your band score.
6. Grammar: Tenses and Articles "The humankind was conquer the space for several years" = "Mankind conquered space many years ago" or "Mankind has conquered space for many years".
7. Grammar: Using uncountable nouns correctly Be careful of uncountable nouns - knowledge, research, information - they can never be plural.
8. Vocabulary: be careful not to write the wrong word "walk" = work (body paragraph 2).
9. Use the correct linker to start your conclusion. Here's a video lesson to explain which ones to use: http://www.ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-t ... n-linkers/

Estimated Band Score:
TR: 6 (write your answer in the thesis statement to improve this score)
CC: 6 (use the right linkers to improve this score)
Voc: 6 (a good range of vocabulary but also some errors)
Grammar: 5.5 (the reason this is so low is due to the number of errors. There are almost constant grammar errors. Frequent errors will limit this score to no more than 5.5).

All the best,
Liz

[mhddev]

Hi,

You have done reasonably well in this essay. However, there are some issues which you need to work on. Here are some comments to help you improve your essay.

1. Don't ask questions in your introduction.
2. There are two statements in an IELTS introduction, the background statement and the thesis statement. Your background statement is fine but your thesis statement does not present your opinion. What is your opinion? Should money be spent on space exploration or on other more important things? Answer this in your thesis statement.
3. Here's a link to a free video lesson to teach you have to write an opinion essay introduction: http://www.ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-t ... roduction/
4. Use the correct linkers to start your body paragraphs - firstly, another point to consider (this is for a two point opinion essay supporting one side).
5. Grammar: Be careful of capital letters "In the first hand, Our world". Any mistakes with capital letters will reduce your band score.
6. Grammar: Tenses and Articles "The humankind was conquer the space for several years" = "Mankind conquered space many years ago" or "Mankind has conquered space for many years".
7. Grammar: Using uncountable nouns correctly Be careful of uncountable nouns - knowledge, research, information - they can never be plural.
8. Vocabulary: be careful not to write the wrong word "walk" = work (body paragraph 2).
9. Use the correct linker to start your conclusion. Here's a video lesson to explain which ones to use: http://www.ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-t ... n-linkers/

Estimated Band Score:
TR: 6 (write your answer in the thesis statement to improve this score)
CC: 6 (use the right linkers to improve this score)
Voc: 6 (a good range of vocabulary but also some errors)
Grammar: 5.5 (the reason this is so low is due to the number of errors. There are almost constant grammar errors. Frequent errors will limit this score to no more than 5.5).

All the best,
Liz

Thank you a lot Mrs, your comments are very helpful and I am going to take them in considerations