[Task2] Please review and provide your valuable feedback!!

[SayedDexter]

Question: Even though globalization affects the world’s economics in a very
positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.
You should write at least 250 words

Due to our modernistic lifestyle, we tend to lean back on our comfort zone, however, we are not thinking that what will happen to our future generation? Within the past decade our oil,gas,mine reserve has depleted to such an extent that in future there would be war's fought between the country's to attain these basic amenities. Some believes that world economy will collapse due to scarcity of these resources. These points of view will be discussed in this order.

It is believed by some that the biggest problem that the globalization is causing, we are over-utilizing natural resources and even harming the nature's natural cycle due to which weather is creating havoc for everyone. For example, recently we have witnessed Tsunami in Japan, this came due to change in weather condition or in other words it is an effect of globalization. Hence, we can see that human being is poking their nose in natural cycle which is creating problem.

On the contrary, many argue that globalization is not hampering lifestyle of many, however, they also believe that we should not exploit nature to extreme, moreover, one can take precautionary measure so that nature and its resources can be preserved. For example, in today's world many MNC's taking green initiative where they are cutting down the usage of paper. Thus, in the present situation globalization is not alarming for some and it can be restrained.

To conclude, the reasons on which some are claiming that globalization are immensely hampering the natural resources and causing its downside are supported and refuted by many. However, the negative impact cannot be ignored, hence, it is clear every country should put in strenuous effort to preserve nature, otherwise, it would be imperative to save the world from catastrophe.

[Khalidsultani]

Question: Even though globalization affects the world’s economics in a very
positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.
You should write at least 250 words

Due to our modernistic lifestyle, we tend to lean back on our comfort zone, however, we are not thinking that what will happen to our future generation? Within the past decade our [not required ] oil,gas,[and ] mine reserves has depleted to such an extent that in future there would be war's wars fought between the country's countries to attain these basic amenities. Some believes that world economy will collapse due to scarcity of these resources. These points of view will be discussed in this order.

It is believed by some that the biggest problem that the [in my view not required here] globalization is causing is that we are over-utilizing natural resources and even harming the nature's natural cycle due to which weather is creating havoc for everyone[not required]. For example, recently we have witnessed Tsunami in Japan, this came due to the change in weather condition or in other words it is an effect of globalization[it is not globalization it is global warming are you sure globalization has caused tsunami]. Hence, we can see that human being is poking their nose in natural cycle which is creating problem.

On the contrary, many argue that globalization is not hampering lifestyle of many, however, they also believe that we should not exploit nature to extreme, moreover, one can take precautionary measure so that nature and its resources can be preserved. For example, in today's world many MNC's are taking green initiatives where they are [omit it] by cutting down the usage of papers. Thus, in the present situation globalization is not alarming for some and it can be restrained.

To conclude, the reasons on which some are claiming that globalization are immensely hampering the natural resources and causing its downside are supported and refuted by many. However, the negative impact cannot be ignored, hence, it is clear every country should put in strenuous effort to preserve nature, otherwise, it would be imperative to save the world from catastrophe.

SayedDexter

it is a good essay , but on your paragraphs you have mentioned points which effect the nature , but the essay title is world’s economics , so you can talk more about business, labor cost, jobs,marketing , demand and supply more.

[IELTS Liz]

Hi,

It's a good essay on the whole which would probably get you about band score 6.5 overall. Here are some comments to help you based on the IELTS marking criteria:

Task Response: You discussed the issue given by you must note that this main topic is "economics", therefore, you should have one body paragraph that addresses this. IELTS discussion essays usually require you to discuss both sides (this title was not taken from a real IELTS test). Make sure you practice with real exam questions.

Coherence and Cohesion: You have organised your essay appropriately into clear paragraphs and you have used linkers well. This would help you get band score 7 and above in this criteria.

Vocabulary: Be very careful using idioms. To get a band score 7 and above you should use idiomatic language but this does not mean idioms. "Leaning back in a comfort zone" and "poking their nose in", these are all idioms which are used in speaking not in academic writing. You would lose points in IELTS writing task 2 for using inappropriate vocabulary. If you avoid these, your natural vocab is actually very good.

Grammar: You are using a good range of complex sentences but the quantity of errors will reduce your band score. Band score 6 = some errors, Band score 7 - few errors. The person who commented before has kindly highlighted some of your errors, but there are many more. You have too many errors to get above band score 6.5 in this criteria. You must work on reducing errors. For example: some believe (no "s" needed), the world economy (the), the scarcity (the), natures natural cycle (no "the" needed). the majority of mistakes are noun/verb agreement and articles.

For more help with IELTS, check my blog: http://www.ieltsliz.com