Academic Writing Tsk 1, ¿Please comment? I need a band 7

[tulusin1922]

Hi guys,

I'm taking the IELTS (Academic) next week and I'm struggling with the writing section. I've been practicing but since I don't have a tutor I don't know if I'm doing it right.
It's supposed to be a description of two pie charts but I can't copy the charts, so I just pasted the text below. Feel free to comment, mark my mistakes and comment. By the way, I need to score a band 7.


Professions chosen by female Graduates of Aberforth University



The two pie charts compare the professions that female graduates of Aberforth University used to chose in 1985 and 2010. Overall, it can be seen that back in 1985 education professions were the prefered choice of female graduates, whereas in 2010 they showed an equal preference for both education and medical professions.

As the chart shows, in 1985 the percentage of females that chosed education professions was of 40 percent while in 2010 this percentage decreased dramatically by 25 percent. On the same year the preference for engineering professions grew considerably compared to the percentages of 1985, when only a quarter of the graduates chosed it as a profession.
In the case of management professions, it is clear that their popularity has grown slighly, whereas in 1985 the preference was of 10 percent in 2010 it increased by 20 percent.

In conclusion, one could say that, comparing both years, most of the professions depicted in the chart increased their popularity among female graduates of Aberforth University in 2010, with the exception of education and arts professions. In the case of this last one, the percentage of preference droped less than a fifth, showing a clear downward trend.