General Training - Writing Task 2

[michaelpermanaielts]

Here is my writing for GT Task 2. Same as previous thread, kindly help to criticize my work.
Any comment is highly appreciated

Code: Select all

Write about the following topic:

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My writing, 253 words
Childhood is a period where a child is undergoing a rapid learning, and if nurtured effectively the child might grow into a sophisticated person with positive contribution to the world. Their curiosity will be the trigger for their questions and parent or educator is responsible to explain them in various studying methods, including from electronic media such as computer.

Depending on the situation, a child’s exposure to computer on daily basis could contribute positively or negatively. I believe there are some parameters that we need to be aware and follow to make computer’s contribution become positive, such as usage time, and content.

Using computer everyday could be positive if we set a clear and strict rule for the children. Set a maximum time limit for them to use the computer, example from 8PM to 9PM after having family dinner or after finishing their homework. Choosing the right content is also very important. Parents need to be aware of what their children are using their computer for.

Negative effect could arise if we don’t have a clear and strict rule for computer usage. A child who plays computer too long will not have sufficient time to study, and it might affect their health as they sit in front of the computer for hours.

My conclusion is we should not limit and close a child’s exposure to computer, but to guide and give a good example of using the computer responsibly. A computer could be a great source for learning if used correctly and effectively.

[fas_saf28]

The essay is neat, and contains logical flow of information. However some linking phrases could be used to connect sentences or ideas.

[michaelpermanaielts]

Hi,

Thanks for your answer. Could you kindly give one example for the linking phrase?

[Johnson zhang]

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children.
Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

I believe you have made a huge mistake. Your essay has little relevance to the question. Sadly, this essay will likely score low.

my shot at this question. a possible band 6.5- 7 intro. I hope you could see the relation between my intro and the question.

Computer is an increasingly popular tool and has a mix of uses and purposes, and their daily usage is growing especially from younger generations. Consequently, concerns have been raised about the effects on children if much time is spent on a computer every day. My view is that using a computer is a broad term and utilising a modern computer in an intended way can do much good to all growing kids. There are at least two reasons to support this opinion.

[michaelpermanaielts]

Hi Johnson,

Great to see your feedback!

I think I'm still not used to this kind of test, as in my workplace I can raise my opinion freely if I disagree with the options given.

But I get your point that this is an English language test and we're supposed to play by the rule, which to answer the question whatever options they give.

I'll take note of this and will rewrite / practice accordingly.

Thanks again.