General Training - Writing Task 1

[michaelpermanaielts]

Hi guys,

I am planning to take the IELTS' General Training test in November. Kindly help to criticize or give any suggestion to my writing below.
Any comment is much appreciated!

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You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays.
You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter:

introduce yourself
explain what experience and special skills you have
explain why you are interested in the job

My writing

To City Museum Director,

My name is John Super, and I saw your museum’s advertisement for Working Holiday as Staff Shop. With this Application Letter, I would like to express my interest in applying for the said position.

I am a final year student in So Smart University, majoring in Information System. After completing my thesis, I plan to fill in my holiday with a constructive activities and I believe I could be your valuable asset for the open position.

For your reference, please find out below is the highlight for my qualifications:
1. I was the President of So Smart World Geographic Club from 2012-2013. It is a club that host students that is interested in studying World Geography.
2. My fellow student and tutor believed that I have strong leadership with good management skill. As I’m experienced with managing people, I would be able to help in City Museum shop and possibly improve the management if needed.

Please find attached is my latest Curriculum Vitae for further detail. Kindly let me know if you need any additional information.
Thank your for reading my Application Letter, have a good day.

Yours faithfully,
John Super

[michaelpermanaielts]

Another one

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Your neighbours have recently written to you to complain about the noise from your houselflat.

Write a letter to your neighbours. In your letter

explain the reasons for the noise
apologise
describe what action you will take

My writing

Dear John,

I am surprised to learn that you are disturbed with the noise from my house. I would like to sincerely apologize to you regarding this inconvenience.

One week ago the pipe in my kitchen suddenly burst out and created some unpleasant scenes in my house. Being the only grown up in my house, I tried to fix the pipe but my effort was simply not good enough to fix the problem.

To solve this issue, I called a professional plumber to take a look of my kitchen and he said he is able to fix it in a day or two. He is scheduled to come again tomorrow with proper spare parts and tools to do his job.

There might be some more noise from my house because of the plumber trying to fix my kitchen, but I do hope that you could graciously forgive me for the extra time. I promise to bring my best grilled rib eye to your house this weekend when my kitchen is finished to say sorry and to catch up with you.