WT2: Feedback's needed

[Saya]

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Such trivial routine as purchasing goods is becoming a hobby for more and more people in developed countries. Many wonder whether the consequences of this hobby in large scale have some drawbacks. Personally, I believe it is negative trend rather than positive. This argument will be proven by looking at how the shopping increases consumption of humankind that catalyzes the environmental damage and leads to differentiation of society classes.
For one, shopping regarding as an entertainment activity stimulates people to buy more goods than necessary. For instance, I as a person who likes shopping used to purchase a lot of closes and then never ever worn them. This makes it clear that people who often goes to shopping more tend to buy needless things in consequence the consumption all over the world is growing on par with manufacturing that in a whole causes more environmental damage to planet. As this shows, such hobby as shopping causes environmental issues trough increasing consumption rates of societies.
In addition to this, fashion industry act as a precursor to growing eagerness to buy. An instance illustrating this in action are brands that popularity are increasing dramatically all around the world encouraging more people to be attentive to their looks as well as others. Thus, this behavioural pattern negatively correlated with people’s inequality between the classes and causes chasing for brand that illustrates prestige, luxury and status. It is obvious from this that shopping regarding as hobby has disadvantages to the society.
Following the analyzing of a growing shopping activity it is clear that the shopping increases environmental damage to the planet and leads to differentiation of society classes. It has been proven that shopping as a hobby in large scale is negative trend. Thus, it is recommended to popularize healthier leisure time activities such as sport than go shopping.
(305 words)

[Johnson zhang]

I have been reading a lot of poor essays. It starts to make me see how I was going the wrong direction with essay writing in general. Put it this way. No matter what you thought you were trying to write, I didn't understand much at all.