Please evaluate my essay

[Sukanta]

Many offenders Commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken this problem?

The proposed statement enlightens us about the argumentation in the number of crimes committed by prisoners after serving their first imprisonment. This should certainly draw attention of the responsible authorities and each problem needs to be dealt in a particular way by them.
To start with, we know that the main objective of prison is keeping the criminals apart from the society. As a result, they can repent over their misdemeanours and rehabilitate themselves. But, it is my firm believe that, instead of putting them in a corner, Bastille provide them a better opportunity to increase their crime network by getting to know other criminals.
what is more, Jails do not isolate the debutante delinquents from other professional ones. So, rather than despising, we put them in a surrounding where they can learn and develop their misdeed skills and prepare them for the future. Generally, crimes are committed by individuals who are sufferers of breaking down family, social discrimination and financial crisis situations. In addition to, Completion of their serving as a prisoner in spite of the fact that their acceptance in the society deteriorates dramatically. Consequently, they run their life in the same circumstance where they become desperate and emulate their past.
Nevertheless, to get rid of this ghastly problem, many solutions can be proposed. Firstly, the government could focus on this problem and to ensure effective policies are in place. Secondly, society can be encouraged the criminals to give up their anti-social activities. Finally, to ensure the isolation of the first crime miscreants from others and the prison environment should be improvised to assist them to recover fully from their horrendous past.

To recapitulate, it is clear that the reasons which are multidimensional can become more demoralizing in the near future if proper initiatives are not taken smartly.

NB: which band score can i expect...??

[Shreyas]

<i'm no expert>
Positives:
* You have structured the essay properly.
* Use of complex words.
* Task response is accomplished

Negatives:
*Solution part lacks strong points or example. Elaborate it.