Could you please correct my letter and provide feedback

[fas_saf28]

4. You have a full time job and are also doing a part time evening course. You now find that you cannot continue the course.
Write a letter to the course tutor, in your letter
- Describe the situation
- Explain why you cannot continue at this time
- Say what action you would like to take.


Dear Sir,
My name is Fazil Hassan and my student ID is 31530. I am a student of yours and I regret to inform you that I am unable to continue my evening classes on soft skills training at this time.

Last week, at my work a new mobile application project has commenced. I have been selected as part of a pilot batch to work on this project and this require me to work three extended hours on all week days. At this circumstance, I would be unable to continue your training in the evening time. Also I would like to inform you that I have no control over this situation and I am disappointed about this.

However, I kindly request you to allow me to pursue this training in any weekend batch if available. If not, please let me know about the schedule for next batch, so I would join immediately post my project completion.

Sorry for any inconvenience caused,
Fazil Hassan.

[Manugoyal123]

Hello Fazil,

You have made a good attempt to perform your tasks. However, the following suggestions may help you to fetch a better score

First of all i think you need to little exaggerate the letter as it contains only 160 words in which the words are also taken from the question. Secondly always try to use adverbs like gradually, eventually, initially to make sentences more coherent.

Practice more to achieve good band.

All the best!
Peace!

[fas_saf28]

Thanks a lot for your feedback
I'll implement it in my writing..

[Flick]

4. You have a full time job and are also doing a part time evening course. You now find that you cannot continue the course.
Write a letter to the course tutor, in your letter
- Describe the situation
- Explain why you cannot continue at this time
- Say what action you would like to take.


Dear Sir,
My name is Fazil Hassan and my student ID is 31530. I regret to inform you that I am unable to continue my evening classes on soft skills training at this time.

Last week, at my work a new mobile application project has commenced.(<--Reword to: "Last week, a new mobile application project was commissioned at my workplace.") I have been selected to work on this project which means I have to work three extra hours per day. Unfortunately, this means I am unable to continue your course in the evening.

I kindly request you to allow me to pursue this training during weekend classes, if available. If not, please let me know when the next course will be held, so I can join immediately post my project completion.

Sorry for any inconvenience caused,

Fazil Hassan.