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I don't think your main problem is actually the ability to write properly saqibali. I don't know about the score band you are aiming for, but anyway, to me at least, you should try to develop a bit more sofisticated/elegant wording. And another word of advice: Take care with the positions you suppor...

I am aiming to band 8 so, i really need if this essay deserves it or, if not, what should I improve. "Lately, the dog meat consumption has become a popular debate due to the 'cultural clash' nature of the subject. Without the proper cultural contextualization it goes into a subjective judgement...