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If we pretend there were no those grammatical errors, which band this essay scores approximately? Any ideas?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things

Well, what else crosses your mind when talking about what people spend their lives on?
In my opinion, it refers to their jobs.
What other ideas do you have?

EnglishTeacher, thank you very much for your corrections!

I think so. Take into account that it almost never asks for your recommendation or prediction,
but it's still recommended to express shortly what do you think about the statement in the question
or where, in your own view, it all goes.

I don't think there is more or less important part. Everything is important, and your introduction should dive user into your topic gradually, hence the so called "background statement" - very short and generic - should come first.

Hi.

I'd add a "hope" or "recommendation" at the very end in your conclusion.

I'd also add a linking word to the beginning of your first paragraph after introduction.

Hi Allen. Please try to follow a better template for your introduction. It's advised to start with a general introduction sentence, like this: > Whether or not to become a teacher has always been a difficult decision for young people. or > All education systems today suffer from lack of teachers and...

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Hi there. In my opinion, your introduction is rather focused on "universe" and "human anato...

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